Don't Get So Close To Me
by Shattered Bookman
Summary: AU Black Order Rehabilitation Center is for people with mental issues,disorders,and addictions.Lavi doesn't want to admit his issues, but that changes when he meets the mysterious Allen Walker who shuts himself in his room.Dark Fic.Laven.Yaoi later edited
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everybody! I hope you like this new fanfic of mine. Lately I've wanted to make a really long fanfic (got the inspiration from how long the chapters of Kiss! Kiss! Love You Baby! by ritachi are) and I wanted to make a dark or sad fanfic, and then this idea came to mind. I thought it was perfect, so I decided to roll with it. I just hope it doesn't drag on for you. Well, enjoy!  
>Warnings: contains yaoi(in later chapters), language, mature content, and dark themes.<br>Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man.**

Full Summary: Lavi now is apart of the Black Order Rehabilitation Center with dissociative identity disorder. There he hears of Allen Walker, a boy sunk deep into depression. Allen never leaves his room or talks to anyone and Lavi just wants to help. Will he be able to break Allen's shell or will things only be worse?

* * *

><p>"Lavi, are you ready to go?" Bookman called from the bottom of the stairs. Lavi stood in his bedroom upstairs staring down at his bed sadly. On his bed laid several luggage bags filled with all of Lavi's belongings. He reached out to his nightstand and grabbed the picture in the wooden frame from where it rested. He ran his fingers over the glass covering a picture of him and his best friend, Daisya Barry. They both had their arms around the other's neck and were both giving off large, goofy grins. They had been friends since they were elementary school, but now it was time for Lavi to leave everything behind. "Lavi, we need to leave soon! Hurry it up!" Lavi sighed at Bookman's impatience and gently set the picture down on the top of his belongings in a luggage case.<p>

"I'm coming, Gramps!" Lavi called zipping the bag closed and bring it to the ground. The wheeled all three bags downstairs to his grandfather who was waiting for him. Bookman opened the door and helped Lavi take his luggage to the car. Once his luggage was packed into the trunk, they piled into the car, Bookman driving Lavi away. Lavi looked out the window smiling with fond memories of his childhood.

"Lavi, I'm sorry. I can't help but feel this is somewhat my fault," Bookman started.

"It's not your fault, Gramps. It's not anyone's fault. It just happened," Lavi sighed. The reason Lavi was leaving his hometown was because he was just admitted into the Black Order Rehabilitation Center, a facility for people with mental issues, disorders, and addictions. Never did Bookman or even Lavi think he would need to go to such a place, but Lavi had only recently shown signs of his condition. Lavi had developed a case of dissociative identity disorder, and an urgent case of it. Even after the symptoms had shown, he still wasn't aware of his condition.

_-Flashback-_

_Daisya and Lavi walked down the halls of their next class. They were laughing at a joke Daisya had said, but their laughter was cut short when Lavi was shoved into the lockers by a large boy from the football team. The boy glared down at Lavi, his friends closely behind him also glaring. "Watch where you're going, you one-eyed freak!" the boy shouted. Lavi simply gaped up at him, fear striking through him. "You gonna say something or are you just gonna stand there like an idiot?" Daisya pushed his way to in front of Lavi and glared up at the boys._

_"The only idiot here is you! Why don't you watch where you're going? You've get two eyes to do it!" Daisya shouted in his face. The boy narrowed his glare and punched Daisya knocking him to the ground. A crowd of students quickly started to form._

_"Quiet, runt! No one asked you!" the boy shouted. The boy kicked Daisya's stomach, knocking the breath out of him. He then grabbed his head and threw it against the lockers knocking Daisya unconscious. _

_"Daisya! You leave him alone!" Lavi threatened. The boy laughed causing his friends to laugh with him._

_"Look, Patchy finally said something. What are you gonna do about it," the boy paused to shove Lavi's chest again. "Pirate? It's hard to fight with only one eye, isn't it?"_

_Lavi glared at the ground in anger. The boy was right. Lavi couldn't fight with one eye even if he could fight. He hated fighting and tried to avoid it as much as possible. He couldn't even bring himself to swat a fly. Lavi took another looked at Daisya sitting up holding his head to keep steady. His anger rose more and more until Lavi felt rage take over his entire body and then... nothing. Every thought in his mind started escaping him. His muscles relaxed as his mind grew more blank. Soon, there wasn't one thought in Lavi's mind. The boy was just about to mock Lavi more when Lavi started chuckling bitterly. His shoulders bobbed in his laughter as it escalated. He threw his head back in a loud delusional laugh. "What's wrong with this freak? Why is he laughing?"_

_"I'm laughing because you're about to get what you deserve. It will be so much fun seeing you writhing on the ground in front of me begging for mercy," Lavi smirked. The boy threw his arm in a punch, but Lavi moved his head so the boy punched the lockers. Cheers erupted from the crowd as the boy held his throbbing hand. "Too eager." Lavi punched the boy in the stomach making him double over then dug his elbows into the back of his neck. The boy dropped to the ground where Lavi began kicking the boy. Out of desperation, the boy grabbed Lavi's ankle making him stop attacking. He coughed raking more pain through his body._

_"S-Stop... Please," the boy pleaded._

_"Nope," Lavi smirked and used his other foot to stop down on the boy's head. There was a loud cracking sound and the boy fell unconscious. The boy's friends jumped on Lavi pinning his arms behind his back. A third boy began punching Lavi in his stomach and in his face. Once the boy tired himself out, Lavi spat out some blood on the ground and smirked. "Is that all you've got?" He looked among the three waiting for an answer. "I guess so." Lavi swept his leg around tripped the guy next to him to release his arm and then using that arm to punch the other boy holding him. He reached forward and grabbed the third boy's head and head butt him. The three of them writhed in pain by Lavi's feet. They wearily stood and checked on the first boy. One looked up at Lavi in fear._

_"What in the hell did you do? You're a fucking pacifist! You couldn't even dream of doing something like this!" the boy shouted. Lavi smirked then made a 'tsk' sound and shook his head. _

_"Oh, no no no. That's Lavi you're talking about," Lavi chuckled and got close to the boy's face. "I'm not Lavi. My name is Deak, and I'm the 48th." Lavi smirked and stood up straight. Suddenly he winced and held his head. "Damn... Time's up already? I barely had any... fun..." Lavi fell face-first to the ground. The crowd quickly dispersed leaving the two on the ground. Daisya woke first and tried to shake Lavi awake. He cursed silently when Lavi wouldn't open his eyes._

* * *

><p><em>Lavi woke up hours later in the nurses office. He sat up slowly and groaned supported his heavy head with his hand. The school nurse jolted when she saw him wake up. She gripped the back of her chair nervously, turning her knuckles white. Lavi looked at her with confusion. "T-T-Tell me... W-What's your name?" the nurse asked.<em>

_"Lavi Bookman, Jr.," Lavi said. The nurse relaxed and stood._

_"You need to come with me. I was told to take you to guidance once you woke up," the nurse said grabbing Lavi's wrist and helping him stand. Lavi tiredly rubbed his eyes._

_"Guidance? For what?" Lavi asked. The nurse ignored him and continued to walk him to the main guidance counselor's office. She opened the door and sat him inside. _

_"Sit here. Mrs. Golan will see you soon. Stay out of trouble," she warned before leaving. Lavi blinked with confusion. What trouble have I caused lately? Lavi thought. He sat there in silence for a while staring at the carpet pattern and the paintings on the wall. After about ten minutes, he was called into the separate room. He entered the room and was shocked to see Bookman already sitting one of the plush leather seats. _

_"Lavi, please, have a seat next to your grandfather here. We need to talk," Mrs. Golan started motioning to the vacant seat with her hand. Lavi nodded dumbfoundedly and sat down with caution. He looked between the young guidance counselor and his grandfather trying to make sense of the situation. They both wore heavy expressions. "Lavi, do you remember anything that's happened today?" Lavi scratched his head, deep in thought._

_"Um... I woke up, came to school, aced my pop quiz in history, walked to my next class with Daisya, was shoved into the lockers and then... Hmm... I don't remember much after that. Did something happen?" Lavi asked._

_"Well, Mr. Bookman, my suggestion still stands. I believe that the Black Order Rehabilitation Center is the perfect place for Lavi with his condition. I can call and confirm a place for him if you-"_

_"Condition? Gramps, what's going on?" Lavi asked urgently._

_"Lavi, we believe that you have dissociative identity disorder. I'm referring you to a place that I believe can help you with your condition. If you go here you'll surely get better and-"_

_"There's nothing wrong with me! I'm not going anywhere!" Lavi shouted raising to his feet quickly. His anger was swelling up inside him._

_"Lavi, please just calm down. Let's sit down and talk about this," Mrs. Golan said soothingly._

_"No! You're going to force me to go there! I don't want to! Do you know how long I've been here?" Lavi asked angrily. He swept his arm across her desk flinging her belongings against the wall._

_"Lavi!" she shouted. She jumped up and ran for the door opening it. "Quick! Call for help!"_

_"Just shut up! I don't need help!" Lavi growled slamming his hand against the door, shutting the door with more force than necessary. _

_"Lavi, stop it. You're making a scene," Bookman warned._

_"I said I'm not going!" Lavi shouted then groaned and held his head. _

_"Lavi?" Mrs. Golan asked concerned. Lavi quickly turned and glared at Mrs. Golan. He turned and grabbed her neck, tightening his grip slightly. He pushed her against the door and held her tighter as she let out strangled cries._

_"Look, Lavi says he doesn't want to go. Can't you people just let well enough alone? I say we do as Lavi wants... Got it? Things go a lot better that way. The kid's a genius," Lavi pressed tighter on her throat. Bookman pulled on his arm to make him release her. "Get off me, you old man." He kicked Bookman away. While he was distracted, the door opened and the nurse followed by two large men entered the room. Lavi release Mrs. Golan who tried to gulp in air and got into a battle stance. "So you want to do things this way huh? You people here are really starting to piss me off!" Lavi threw a punch only to have his wrist grabbed by the man. The two men worked together to hold Lavi down. "Get off of me! You're all just trying to spoil my fun! I never get to have this much fun!"_

_"I'm going to sedate him now," the nurse announced pressing a needle to Lavi's arm._

_"No, stop!" Lavi cried out, thrashing around. _

_"Sorry, this is for the best, Lavi," Bookman said as the nurse administered the sedative. Lavi's senses started going numb then he lost consciousness._

_-End flashback-_

Lavi stared up in awe at the large building before them as they stood in the parking lot. The building was many stories high and was built with black bricks. It seemed very unapproachable despite the welcoming sign placed in the grass close to the road. The building was surrounded by a large field on all sides which stopped at a large cinder block gate surrounding the building. Around the area, Lavi could see guards patrolling the area. Lavi paled at the thought of security guards having to be here. Bookman brought Lavi his belongings from inside the car.

"I guess this is goodbye, old man," Lavi smiled down at Bookman sadly.

"For now at least. You'll get better and you'll be back, though. I can feel it," Bookman said a small smile showing on his face. Lavi reached down for a quick hug.

"Later, Gramps," Lavi waved before walking off.

"Treat me with a bit more respect, brat!" Bookman shouted throwing his shoe at the back of Lavi's head. Lavi let himself get hit and laughed, tossing the shoe back. As he neared the doors, he turned to watch Bookman before he drove off again. Lavi sighed and stared at the large oak doors before him. He took a deep breath before opening one of the doors and stepping inside.

The inside of the building was very bland with it's white walls and equally white floors. The room Lavi was in was very small with only a few plants, chairs, and arm tables. At the back of the small room was a white desk with a computer resting on it. A young woman sat behind the desk typing quickly on the key board. Lavi slowly walked forward and the secretary behind the desk looked up. She gaze him a very bored expression before putting on an obviously fake smile.

"Welcome to the Black Order Rehabilitation Center. How may I help you today, sir?" the woman asked.

"Um... I'm Lavi Bookman, Jr. I should be admitted here," Lavi trailed off not sure what to say. The woman typed more and then smiled up at Lavi again.

"Yes, I see. You're a new in-patient. Please wait for one moment while your guide gets here," the woman said. Lavi nodded and sat in a chair while the woman made a call with her desk-phone. Shortly afterwards, a girl around Lavi's age appeared from a door in the back of the room. She started walking towards Lavi who blushed at the first sight of her. She was a bit too skinny, but she had beautiful skin and long green hair held into two pigtails. She wore a short black skirt and a green t-shirt. She wore slippers on her feet and around her bony ankles were a pair of green crystal anklets. Lavi stood as she stood in front of him putting on a smile he thought was charming.

"Hello, I'm Lenalee Lee. I'm also in the rehabilitation center, but I'm one of the more sane ones here," she said with a smile.

"Lavi Bookman Jr. It's nice to meet you," Lavi said as they shook hands. He stared at Lenalee for a while. "Hey, weren't you a model? You quit years ago right?" For a quick second, Lenalee's features darkened before a slightly painful smile was forced onto her face.

"Yes... I was a model, and I quit to come here. You see, I'm anorexic and I'm what you might call a Jumper. I love jumping and falling from high places. Well, let's move on with your tour. This is a very large building," Lenalee said turning to walk away. Lavi walked with her as they entered the door she had come in through earlier. "The Black Order Rehabilitation Center has patients of every extent here. It houses patients with disorders, depression, and even addictions. Since there are so many patients here, each patient is assigned a group and each group is assigned a floor and section they can safely wander around. You're in my group and we stay on the fifth floor in the East wing." They stopped walking to enter an elevator. Lenalee hit the button for the fifth floor and the elevator began to rise.

"We have groups? Why put us into groups if they're just gonna lock us up anyways?" Lavi asked harshly.

"Lock us up? Where would you get that idea? We actually have a lot more freedom here than you would think. Each section has everything a person would want. There's t.v.s in every room, there's a gym for exercising, and there's even lounges where we can relax. If someone stays in their room, it's usually by choice," Lenalee paused as they exited the elevator. This is the entrance to the fifth floor, and this, is our wing." She opened a door to their right and led Lavi inside. "Here is where you will be staying for the next bit of your life, except for when our group takes a field trip. With you coming in, our group now has ten people in it."

"Who are the others?" Lavi asked.

"Come with me," Lenalee said. She led Lavi down a hallway with doors on each side. "Here we have Yuu Kanda's room. Kanda came here before I did. He's one of my closest friends here, but don't make him upset. He's a cutter. He cuts not only himself but anyone else too, so be careful. Across from Kanda, we have Miranda Lotto's room. She came here before me, but after Kanda. She's a nice person, but her GAD or General Anxiety Disorder makes conversation with her a little tiring. Continuing down the hall, we have Tyki Mikk's room. He's a pleasure addict meaning he'll do anything to please himself. He'll drink, smoke, do drugs, or even have sex with anybody. Across from him are his cousins, Devit and Jasdero though they prefer you to call them Jasdevi. They are insane and have a really strong bond between the two of them. Warning, the doctors here think all insanity has to do with depression, so those two are on 'happy pills' when they don't need them. It's made them a bit ADD. All three of them came before I did."

"And where's your room?" Lavi asked. Lenalee smiled and stopped walking. She motioned to the door next to her with her hand.

"This is my room, and then across from me is Krory. He's a nice person although he is a bit awkward at times. He thinks he's a vampire and even had his teeth sharpened. Aside from that, he's relatively normal, and though he says he's a vampire, he never really drinks anyone's blood saying that it's too bitter for him. Next to Krory is Suman Dark. He has depression and even tried to kill himself. It's sad really. I don't know everything about him, but from what I understand, his daughter died because of an illness," Lenalee explained.

She kept walking and talking while Lavi's eye was glued to one door. The other doors in the hallway had a window pane near the top of the door to see into, but this door's pane and painted black. He grew closer to the door and he could hear mumbling coming from inside. "Hey... Lenalee... Who lives in this room?" Lenalee stopped and turned to see what he talking about. She frowned at the door and turned back around.

"That's Allen walker. He came here two years ago, but I've never once seen him. He just stays shut up in his room and doesn't allow anyone in to see him. From what I hear, he has a very strong depression. I wish he would come out so we could all comfort him, but he won't. He even refuses to come to group therapy with us," Lenalee said. Lavi stared at the door more, wanting to open it and see who's inside. He was frozen though. He couldn't move at all. "Well, come on. Let's go. It should be time for our lunch right about now." Lavi nodded and left with Lenalee gazing back at the door tainted black.

* * *

><p>Lenalee led Lavi to a large room that was the most colorful Lavi had seen yet. The walls were painted a deeply bright red, and the furniture in the room was colorful as well. There were many tables surrounded by red, blue, green, purple, or orange chairs, and red and black couches and lounge chairs sat near the sides of the room surrounding t.v.s mounted on the wall. The carpet was black with multicolored spots covering it. In the back of the room were computer touch screens and holes in the wall connected to metal bins. Sitting at one table was a boy Lavi almost mistook for a girl with his long, blue hair in a ponytail and feminine features. Across from the boy was a man who had his black hair slicked back and dark rings under his eyes. Sitting on one of the couches was a man with black hair and a group of white bangs flopping in his face. "Hey, guys," Lenalee called gaining everyone's attention. "Guys, this is Lavi. Lavi, that's Kanda, Suman, and Krory."<p>

"Nice to meet you," Lavi said nervously. The boy, Kanda, gave a 'Che' while Suman stood and shook hands with Lavi.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lavi," Suman smiled. Krory turned around on the couch so he was on his knees and peeking over the back of the couch with a coy expression. Lenalee sighed.

"No, Krory, you can't bite him," Lenalee scolded. Lavi paled while Krory whined and stood to shake Lavi's hand.

"Nice to meet you then. I'm Arystar Krory III," Krory said shaking his hand. Lavi nodded. Lenalee started pulling him away.

"You look pale. Let's get some food in you. This way," Lenalee said leading Lavi to the back of the room. Once they reached the touch screens, she smiled at him. "Watch this. This is really cool." She touched the screen and the names of multiple dishes of food appeared on the screen. "What do you feel like eating?"

"Um... I'm not sure," Lavi said slowly rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'll surprise you then," Lenalee smiled and touched the screen again. She then turned her attention to the metal bin in the hole in the wall. The other side of the bin flapped down and two plates of grilled cheese were pushed into the bin. Lenalee grabbed the two plates and handed one to Lavi. "And that's how you get our food. This works 24/7, so even if you're craving a little midnight snack, you can eat something." Lenalee pulled Lavi over to sit with Kanda and Suman. Lavi sat and started eating slowly, his thoughts wrapped around the door with the black window.

"So, Lavi, what are you in here for?" Suman asked. Lavi snapped his head up losing his thoughts.

"I've developed a case of dissociative identity disorder," Lavi said.

"Oh, so you have _that_. How'd you find out?" Suman asked.

"I got into a fight at school and blacked out. When I woke up, I learned that I had almost killed some people," Lavi said. He earned stares from everyone in the room except for Kanda who merely gave a 'Che' in response.

"Even this weirdo wouldn't be a match for my Mugen," Kanda muttered.

"But Mugen isn't allowed here because you'd kill everyone," Lenalee pointed out. Kanda gave another 'Che.' Krory snuck behind Lavi and poked his head around to see him, startling Lavi. He jumped back and Krory smiled childishly and stood in front of Lavi.

"So how many personalities do you have?" Krory asked.

"Just one... That I know of," Lavi trailed off. Seeing Krory's black cape reminded him of the mysterious door. "Oh yeah, do the three of you know anything about that Allen kid behind the door with the black window?" The room was thrown into silence. "What is it?"

"You should just leave that Moyashi alone," Kanda snorted.

"So you know more than Lenalee does?" Lavi asked.

"Yeah, Kanda saw him move in. So did the twins, but I wouldn't recommend asking them," Lenalee said.

"The twins are really harsh at times, so knowing them they'd just play a prank on you," Suman said.

"Then can't you tell me what you know, Yuu?" Lavi asked. Kanda twitched.

"Don't call me that, and I'll let you live," Kanda glared at him threateningly. Lavi gave him a confused look.

"What? All I did was say your name. It's Yuu isn't it?" Lavi asked. Kanda stood but was held back by Lenalee. He gave an impatient growl and sat back down. Lavi was amused by Kanda's reaction. "Can you just tell me what you know, Yuu?" A bemused smirk played on Lavi's lips. Kanda growled but made no motion to harm Lavi.

"That kid's just one big mess. When he first came here, he looked delusional. He shook all the time and his eyes were wide and filled with insanity. I could see gray hairs starting in his roots. I bet that he's got a full head of white hair now. He also mumbled a lot of stuff to himself. It looked like he was resisting at first, but then the doctors gave him some kind of medicine and he was just in a daze after that. Not saying or doing anything. That kid was creepy," Kanda recalled. Lavi stared down at his grilled cheese sandwich which only had three bites taken from it.

"If he's got a depression worse than mine, then something bad had to happen to the kid. It's a shame too. He's so young. He's only... how old now? 16 maybe?" Suman asked.

"15. His birthday is in December," Krory added.

"That's still young no matter how you look at it," Suman pointed out. Lavi stood up and turned to leave the room.

"Lavi? Where are you going?" Lenalee asked.

"Just going for a little walk around. I wanna see this place for myself this time," Lavi smiled back at them before leaving the room. Once enveloped by the bright whiteness of the hallways, Lavi retraced the path he and Lenalee had taken. Going through that path, Lavi directed himself to the hallway with the rooms. He stopped in front of the one with the black window. Even from outside, Lavi could hear murmurs coming from inside the room. "Hello? My name's Lavi Bookman Jr., and I'm new here. I was thinking that maybe I could come in and we could-"

"Go away!" came a hoarse voice from inside. Lavi was startled by the voice. It was young just like Suman had said, but it was so withered and worn like it had been strained by many shouts and sobs. Lavi reached out for the handle of the door.

"Look, I don't want to hurt you. I just want to talk to you. I-"

"Leave me alone! Go away!" the boy shouted again, the fear obvious in his command. Lavi turned the handle. "Don't come in here! Just go away!" Lavi stopped and removed his hand from the handle. He stared at the door with a mixture of emotions on his face.

"You might as well not waste your time, rabbit," came a smooth voice from behind Lavi. Lavi turned quickly to see a man wearing disheveled clothes and large glasses. His black hair curled into his face and he had a cigarette hanging out his mouth. "That boy isn't going to come out no matter how much you try, trust me. He doesn't leave for anything. He's no fun anyways. I've tried getting him to talk and got nothing. He's like a fricken zombie. You could try your luck with me though," He smiled at Lavi. Lavi looked at him confused. Seeing this look, the man continued on. "Tyki Mikk at your service. It's nice to meet you, Lavi Bookman Jr." Tyki winked at him before continuing down the hall. Once the man was gone, Lavi turned his attention back to the door. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by another voice.

"Lavi Bookman Jr.?" the voice called.

"Yes? That's me," Lavi said turning to look at a small man with two moles on his forehead and his blonde hair pulled back into a neat braided ponytail.

"I'm Howard Link, your handler. It's time for your first therapy session," he announced. Lavi just stared at him. "Follow me if you will." The man turned around and walked away. Lavi snapped out of his daze and caught up with the man walking closely behind him. The man walked in silence until he stopped outside a door. "This is your counselor, Klaud Nyne's, office. Go inside. She's ready to see you."

Lavi nodded and entered the room. The room walls in the room were painted a deep blue color, and the carpet was an equally dark blue. There was a wooden desk near the back of the room with a large leather chair behind it. In front of the desk was a blue lounge chair and against the walls were three black chairs. On the left side of the room was a door which Lavi guessed lead to a closet. A woman with blue hair wearing a red shirt and white pants tucked into black boots stepped out. She smiled at Lavi kindly when she noticed he was there, and Lavi noticed that the large x-shaped scar didn't take away from her smile. "Lavi, right? Please, sit down," the woman said before sitting in the chair behind the desk. "I'm your counselor, Klaud Nyne. It's nice to meet you. Why don't we start off with you telling me a few things about yourself."

"Okay..." Lavi said. He sat down at looked at the carpet. He felt awkward in this situation. "Um... I don't know what to say... I guess... I like history and reading."

"Okay, that's a start. Why do you like history and reading?" Klaud asked.

"They're the only definite things in the world," Lavi said. Klaud gave him a perplexed look before writing in a notebook she had pulled out.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"Well... In science, there are so many variables and an answer is never definite, and in math, it's the same thing. There is always a formula for it, but there can be different answers. With history, everything already happened so it's impossible to change it, and the words of a book are already written, so the content of a book won't change either," Lavi explained.

"I see... Is there anything else that changes that you don't like?" Klaud asked taking notes.

"Not really..." Lavi trailed off. They sat there in silence for a while. After fifteen minutes, Klaud smiled apologetically at Lavi.

"I hope you don't mind, but I looked up your files from your school. I'm going to ask you about the incident now. Do you remember what you were feeling at the time?" she asked.

"Um... I remember thinking that when I saw Daisya get hit, I wanted the guy to pay. That was the first time I ever had violent thoughts... I was really angry," Lavi started.

"And you were angry again in the guidance counselor's office?" she asked. Lavi nodded. "Alright, then. This might be connect to your emotions then. Have you ever blacked out before this incident?"

"Not that I remember..." The room was whisked into silence again. Lavi stared at the carpet. Then a thought came to him. "Can you tell me anything about Allen Walker?"

"Allen Walker? Why do you want to know about him?" Klaud asked surprised.

"I'm... curious is all I think. I also... want to help him somehow," Lavi said.

"I'll tell you what I can... Hold on for a minute," she stood and walked back to the closet. Lavi sat for a few minutes before she finally came back and sat back down behind her desk. "Allen Walker... At the age of 5, everyone in his neighborhood except for him was killed. Allen was adopted by a man named Mana Walker while the killer was still at large. After five years of living with Mana, Allen changed his last name to Walker, and a few months after that, the same killer came and killed Mana and almost killed Allen. The killer ran when a bystander called the police. Allen then fell under custody of Mana's friend, Marian Cross. About two years ago, Cross was involved in a shooting by the killer who had eluded the police. The killer was arrested, but Cross almost lost his life. Allen was never aware of this, but he thinks Cross is dead. Since then, Allen developed his depression. That's what I can tell you."

"He... went through all of that?" Lavi asked. Klaud nodded. Lavi leaned back in the lounge chair and stared at the ceiling. Nothing was said after that. They sat in a comfortably awkward silence.

About thirty minutes had passed before Klaud spoke again. "Well, that's all the time we have to share together today. I look forward to our next meeting." Lavi nodded and stood. He left silently and found his way back to the room housing Allen Walker. He stared at the door, putting a hand on it. He ran his hand over the smooth surface and wondered about the occupant. Many thoughts passed through Lavi's mind. Had he tried to kill himself before? Why was the killer never caught sooner? Why did the killer never kill Allen? Has Allen completely broken down? These thoughts silenced him though he felt like he needed to comfort the person inside. He gathered his courage to speak.

"It's me... Lavi again... I know you said to leave you alone but... I know what happened to you. I just wanted to say that nothing was ever your fault if you blame yourself for it. That person was a sick bastard to that... and if you would come out and talk to me, then I'm sure that-"

"Look, Jasdero. The new guy's trying to get the freak out his room," came an annoying voice. Lavi turned his head to see two men walking towards him. They both had tan skin with crosses on their forehead. One had short black hair and wore a white shirt with a red x, a black jacket, and black pants tucked into fur-lined boots. The other had long blonde hair and wore a black vest and black pants tucked into another pair of the fur-lined boots. The blonde one wore a headband that had a light attached to an antennae like stick held in place by the headband.

"Looks like it, Devit. Hee hee," the blonde giggled. Lavi deadpanned at them. "What are you looking at, huh?" They got angry and scowled in Lavi's face.

"Who... are you?" Lavi asked.

"I'm Devit, and that's Jasdero. Together we are," the black haired one paused.

"Jasdevi!" they both shouted striking a pose. Lavi stared at them incredulously as they held their poses. "Cool right?" the blonde one asked.

"No," Lavi said bluntly.

"Well be gone, brat. Our deal is with the kid in there not you. Hey! Stupid kid! Why don't you ever come out? Scared of us seeing your ugly mug?" Devit taunted.

"You're ugly! Ugly! Hee hee," Jasdero giggled.

"You never do or say anything. How do we know you haven't already killed yourself yet? No one would miss you though. That's for sure," Devit smirked though Allen couldn't see.

"No one! Hee hee," Jasdero repeated.

"In fact, why don't we go in and kill you right-"

"Enough!" Lavi shouted shocking the twins. They stared at Lavi while he tried to calm himself down. "If all you two are going to do is make fun of him then leave! He has been through enough already and doesn't need you two psychos to make it worse! Now if I catch you two mocking him again, you will answer to me. Got it?" There was much scorn and hatred in his words. Devit gave out an annoyed sigh and grabbed Jasdero's collar.

"Let's go, Jasdero," Devit said starting to pull him away. Jasdero tried to fidget out of his grip.

"But! But the kid!" Jasdero protested.

"Never mind the kid! We'll just go have some fun with Tyki," Devit said. Jasdero changed his demeanor and walked happily beside Devit. He nodded in agreement and the two left. Lavi stared after them.

"Well... I don't think those two will bother you anymore. I know you don't talk much, but if they do anything like that again just let me know. I'm going to my new room now, so I guess I'll talk to you next time... Whenever that is," Lavi added. He turned to walk away, but a cry stopped him.

"W-Wait!" Lavi turned back in the direction of the door. It was still closed, but the inhabitant was trying to talk to him. "Um... Thank you... for that." Lavi smiled and started to walk off again.

"Any time," Lavi smiled. He continued down the hall to what he assumed to be his new room. The room was just as white as everything else. He found his luggage sitting on the bed in the corner of the room. Next to the bed was a night stand with a lamp on it, and on the other side of the room was a desk and chair. There were two dressers in the room, one with a vanity and the other a tall one. Lavi put his luggage on the ground and sat on his bed with a sigh. He would unpack tomorrow.

He laid back on his bed and stared at his ceiling, his thoughts once again going to Allen Walker. The boy had thanked him, whether that was an improvement or not Lavi wasn't sure, but he was satisfied at the thanks he was offered. He thought that if he could just talk to the boy everyday, they might become friends, and the boy might even come out of his room. He then began to wonder what the boy looked like. From what Kanda had said, he imagined a small boy with extremely white hair and bags under his eyes like Suman. He frowned at the thought and began to grow really curious at how the boy looked now. Those twins had called him ugly, but they were also mocking him too. He couldn't be positive to the boy's looks, but he did know that the boy was young. Youth was supposed to bring innocence and ignorance, but this boy was stripped of them. Lavi glared at the ceiling. Everyone here was. No one here exactly had an easy past. Not even Lavi himself who had partially lied to Klaud Nyne earlier.

Lavi thought until the room was darkened by the sun disappearing from the one window in the room. He looked through the window to see the moon and stars, but it was different this time. As Lavi gazed at the moon, he couldn't help but think how menacing and cruel the moon looked tonight. The crescent moon, which was known to have a man's face, appeared to have a cruel smile. It made Lavi's stomach flip. He shut the curtains to his window and laid back down in his bed. He pulled the covers over himself and closed his eyes, falling into a disturbed sleep.

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><p><strong>And that was the first chapter. What'd ya guys think? I hope it wasn't too boring for you guys. This is going to be kinda dark. And I wanted to have a bonus chapter every two other chapters if you guys would like. These bonus chapters would be on a character each, and would be about their lives before coming to the Black Order and how they got there. Well... I think that it, so please review. You'll get a shout out next chapter if you do :D Plus I love people who give reviews (good or bad). It says that they care enough to say something (not that I hate people who don't review. I love all my readers :D)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone! I'm here with another chapter! Sorry for the wait- Don't kill me! -cowers in a corner- Enjoy this chapter instead. But first it's time for shout-outs. I have to say, I honestly wasn't expecting to have 20 reviews for the first chapter alone, but I LOVE IT! I love it when you guys review because it makes me feel that I did something right. Anyways, shout outs go out to Yaoi Fan Girl 14th, Seraphic-Rapture, kiwininjaDGM, DGrayManFanatic, Dream Glaze, an anonymous reviewer (I don't mind these either :D), wishingbell, EdwardElricAllenWalker, coffeeeeeholic, Believe It Forever, Random Bespectacled Otaku, latechocox3, sathreal, NinjaPandaDGM, Allen 'Dango Sticks' Walker, Fading Scars, BrokenHeartedExorcist, sumichan614, Voiceless Yuuki-sama, and janrockiss for reviewing. Thanks for reviewing guys. I love you all! Enjoy the chapter!**

**-EDIT NOTE- Thanks to those people who helped point out my mistake. It should be completely fixed now.**

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><p>Group therapy. Those words weighed heavily on Lavi's mind. He had heard about group therapy before and was dreading it. He would introduce himself and be greeted in a monotone fashion. These thoughts made Lavi nervous though one thing was on his mind. He wondered about the boy, Allen Walker. Lenalee had told he never leaves his room, but surely he must come to group therapy. That thought alone made Lavi slightly eager to go. Once he was escorted to the room, he took a seat next to Lenalee who was sitting next to Kanda. She smiled as Lavi sat down. "Hello, Lavi. How was your first day yesterday?" she asked.<p>

"It was okay I guess. This will take some getting used to though. I'm still not completely sure about this," Lavi said nervously.

"I understand. You'll adjust soon enough though. Group therapy isn't even that bad thanks to our counselor, Tiedoll. You should have fun here actually," she smiled. After a while, every chair was filled but two. Lavi saw David and Jasdero giggling together, Tyki sitting with his legs crossed in another chair, reading a book, Suman skulking in a chair fixated on the ground, and Krory sitting in a chair avoiding the sunlight from the window. Lavi also saw a woman he hadn't met yesterday. This woman was shaking in her chair. She had her brown hair pulled into a bun with a few straw hairs falling into her face. Her eyes were surrounded by too much black eye shadow and she wore a nervous grin on her face. Of the remaining two chairs, one was reserved for Tiedoll obviously, but the other Lavi guessed was for Allen. Lenalee caught Lavi staring at a chair.

"He won't come you know." Lavi looked at Lenalee to see she was giving a sad smile."Even after these three years, he still hasn't once come to one of these group therapy sessions, but they still set up eleven chairs for all ten of us and Tiedoll. I'll be surprised if that boy ever comes out of that room for anything... It makes me sad actually..." The sound of the door opening pulled everyone away from their thoughts. A man with shaggy grey hair pulled into a ponytail entered the room carrying a large satchel filled with art supplies. He sat in one of the available chairs and smiled at Lavi.

"Hello there. It seems we have a newcomer to the group. My name is Froi Tiedoll. I'll be your group therapist. Why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?" the man asked Lavi. Lavi looked at the ground and nervously rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Well... My name is Lavi Bookman, Jr., and I've newly discovered I have dissociative identity disorder," Lavi said. He was waiting for the monotone reply of 'Hi, Lavi,' but it never came. He looked up to see Tiedoll smiling at him.

"Welcome, Lavi. It's a pleasure to meet you. Let's go around the circle to re-introduce everyone to Lavi. Why don't we start with, Yuu," Tiedoll suggested with a smile. Kanda turned away from Tiedoll with a 'Che.'

"Don't call me that, old man. If I could, I'd hack you to pieces. I'm Kanda, and that's what you better call me if you don't want to be sent to an early grave. I enjoy cutting. That includes myself and other people," Kanda said unhappily. Tiedoll smiled and motioned for Lenalee to speak.

"I'm Lenalee Lee. I'm anorexic and I like free falling from high places," Lenalee said. She looked to the other side of Lavi at Suman to continue.

"I'm Suman Dark, and I have severe depression."

"We're Jasdevi and we don't care what we have! Heehee!"

"I'm Tyki Mikk, and I'm addicting to anything that gives me pleasure."

"I'm Arystar Krory III, and I _am_ a vampire."

"I-I'm M-Miranda Lotto, and I have s-severe General Anxiety Disorder."

"Good, that's everyone... Well, everyone who normally comes at least. Now today, I'd like to talk about what brought everyone here. Lenalee, let's start with you," Tiedoll said. Lenalee's mood darkened and she stared at the floor sadly. Lavi was about to comfort her when she began speaking.

"As a model, being thin was always an issue. Once I stopped eating, I found that everything became easier, though it wasn't perfect. There were still a lot of pressures, so I continued to stop eating. I needed to find a release though, so I tried everything I could to calm me, but only jumping was calm enough for me. I was just amazed at how free I felt... I felt like I was flying away from all of my problems, but it never really helped me. Soon, I had problems with my anorexia, and the modeling world banned me from modeling until I became better. Now I'm here," she said.

"Thank you for sharing Lenalee. I'm glad to see you making progress too. You're starting to look healthier," Tiedoll smiled and Lenalee only gave him a nervous smile.

"Healthier or fatter? Even though I know I need to gain weight, I just feel like once I do I can't ever model again," Lenalee said. She held onto herself tightly, shaking and looking as if she were about to cry.

"But that's what they said to you before too, isn't it? Haven't you proved them wrong already?" Tiedoll asked. Lenalee stopped shaking and her head shot up to look at him.

"C-Can we not talk about that?" she asked.

"We don't have to. Does anyone have anything they want to say to Lenalee?" Tiedoll asked.

"Even though you're gaining weight, you're still thinner than me, so stop worrying about it so much," Kanda said much to everyone's surprise. He looked at everyone's shocked face then added, "Because it annoys me when girls do that crap to look pretty." Lenalee gave a small smile and hugged Kanda.

"Thanks, Kanda," Lenalee said.

"Get off of me," Kanda growled but didn't move to push her away. Lenalee giggled and moved away. Everyone then looked at Lavi to share. Lavi noticed this and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Oh, it's my turn? Well, um... I'm not really sure what to say... Um... I'm not even sure how I came to be how I am," Lavi started.

"Then tell us about what happened when your other personality came out," Tiedoll said patiently.

"Um... Okay, well I was just walking in school when some guys on the football team started picking on me. All I remember after that was my best friend was hit down for helping me and how angry I was. The next thing I remember was waking up in the nurse's office and being dragged to the guidance counselor's office. There I was told I almost killed those guys. I didn't believe it at first since I'm a pacifist, but then I blacked out again and almost killed the guidance counselor... Um... Is that what you wanted to hear?" Lavi asked.

"Yes, good job. Not many people want to share their first time here, so I'm proud of you. I also want to ask if you've ever blacked out or don't remember anything from other times too," Tiedoll said watching Lavi closely. Lavi thought back in the past. He could remember plenty of times he didn't remember anything.

"No... I don't," Lavi lied.

"Alright, that's good to hear then. That means this really is recent. Have you been stressed at all lately? These cases usually appear when people are stressed and can't handle it, so they make someone else handle it. So what's stressing you out?" Tiedoll asked. Lavi shifted uncomfortably in his seat at everyone's eyes on him. He looked down at the ground to avoid their stares.

"I-I'm not stressed really... But... I have been picked on and beat up a lot in my life because of my eye-patch," Lavi said. Lavi started cracking his knuckles, something he did at times of stress. He was lying, but he didn't feel right in this situation. He felt as if his privacy was invaded.

"How did you acquire that eye-patch?" Tiedoll asked.

"C-Can I not say? It's not something I'm comfortable talking about," Lavi said.

"Okay. Does anyone have anything they wish to say to Lavi?" Tiedoll asked. It was silent, and Lavi became even more unnerved by the silence. "Right, moving on then. Suman." Suman gave a slight nod before tensing. He glared at the ground.

"A few years ago, my only daughter became gravely ill. I worked harder after that to try to pay her hospital bills, but... she eventually died... I was thrown into debt and grief after that, and my depression started. I had tried to kill myself on several occasions. Now I'm here," Suman said. Lavi reached out and firmly grabbed Suman's shoulder.

"That's awful, man, but you can't just lose hope. You need to fight this, so you can get better, for your daughter. Think about it. Would she really want to see you in this state? You have to keep living on for her," Lavi encouraged. Suman managed a tired smile.

"Thank you, but it is easier said than done," Suman sighed.

"I understand. I'm not expecting you to have miraculously changed overnight. Start small and build yourself up. If you do things like that, it will get easier. I believe in you," Lavi said. Suman smiled again. Tiedoll nodded happily and waited for anyone else to talk. Once no one else did, he gestured to Miranda.

"Miranda, if you would be so kind as to talk," Tiedoll said. Miranda started bowing apologetically.

"Sorry! Sorry! I shouldn't have waited that long to speak! I'm so sorry! So very sorry!" she shouted. Tiedoll calmed her down though she still shook. "I've n-never had the best of luck and was quite unfortunate as a child. I didn't have very many friends and the friends I did have just used me and picked on me. Even onto adulthood, I was unfortunate. I could never hold a steady job, and the neighborhood kids would pick on me. They had a nice little song made for me. It went: 'Miranda, Miranda, she's all bad luck. Full of doom, full of gloom, what a dumb and ugly duck. Looking for a job today, who cares you'll just get shucked!' The only thing that gave me comfort was my grandfather clock that was thrown out by a random stranger. I planned to kill myself with it one night, but I failed and now I'm here."

"Those are some mean kids," Krory whined.

"I didn't mind the song as much as I minded the snake they threw at me everyday. It was fake, but it still hurt. After about 28 times though I was finally able to dodge the snake. Life was bearable as long as I avoided the snake," Miranda started chuckling darkly.

"Right, well, Krory, why don't you share now," Tiedoll said trying to move things along.

"I have nothing to say. I really am a vampire just like my grandfather was. We lived together in a nice castle filled with carnivorous plants that have to be dead by now... I'm sorry, Grandfather," Krory pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head in his lap. Everyone sat listening to Krory's depressed dribble and Miranda's dark laughter. Lavi leaned towards Lenalee to whisper to her.

"Those two sure do make an eccentric couple," Lavi whispered earning a quiet laugh from Lenalee.

"Okay, moving on. Jasdevi, do you have anything you'd like to share?" Tiedoll asked.

"Just that we're twins who don't deserve to be here. We aren't crazy," Devit scoffed.

"Yeah, we're not crazy, hee hee," Jasdero giggled. Tiedoll gave a sigh.

"Choosing not to speak again, huh? Alright then. Tyki, it's your turn," Tiedoll said.

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm crazy like some of you here. I'm just like that pretty little ex-model over there. I have an addiction. It's not that bad. Life is boring, so I might as well enjoy the pleasure it can give me. I don't care if I get my pleasure through drugs, alcohol, money, or sex, as long as I get it. Though I have to say that out of those, sex is definitely the most pleasuring, especially when I have a beautiful partner," Tyki stopped to wink at Lavi who shivered. Lavi hugged himself as fear started to seep in.

"Moving on!" Tiedoll said quickly, his voice cracking from the nervousness. He cleared his throat and smiled at Kanda. "Yuu, it's your turn."

"I have nothing really to say. My parents collect swords, so that got me interested in it. When I was around 6 or so, they got me my own sword. I knew I had to use it, so I used it to cut my arms. Soon, just cutting myself wasn't enough, and I had to cut other people with my sword. I know I've caused deaths, but I still like the feeling of my sword cutting through flesh, especially when the person I kill annoys me," Kanda explained quickly. Tiedoll wiped away a tear.

"That was beautiful, Yuu. I'm glad to hear you say something this time. No matter what you've done, I'll always love you like a son. Come give me a hug!" Tiedoll cried.

"I won't give you a fucking hug and don't call me by that name!" Kanda shouted.

"But I love your name, Yuu. What else am I to call my supposed son than his own first name?" Tiedoll asked causing Kanda to growl. Kanda stood and grabbed Tiedoll's collar.

"If only I had my Mugen here, you'd be dead!" Kanda shouted moving to strangle Tiedoll. Tiedoll merely laughed and gave Kanda a goofy smile, aggravating Kanda further. Kanda punched Tiedoll and started kicking him on the ground and stomping on him. The others in the room quickly stood to try and restrain Kanda, all except for Lavi who went to check on Tiedoll. Once Kanda was held back by the others but still straining against them, Lavi had gotten Tiedoll to sit up at least. Tiedoll still wore a goofy smile.

"That's the Yuu I know. You've gotten stronger. You're all dismissed early for today," Tiedoll winced in pain.

"Do you want me to take you somewhere?" Lavi asked.

"No thanks. I'll be fine after a while. All of you go enjoy your free time," Tiedoll smiled.

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><p>Leaving the group therapy room, Lavi walked with Lenalee towards their room. His thoughts going back to the empty chair. "So that Allen person really does never leave his room? How does he do therapy?" Lavi asked.<p>

"Well, since he's so unstable, he has to be medicated, then Miss Nyne goes into his room to try and talk to him. She's the most patient person I know. We all stand outside his room during his sessions to see if he'll talk but he never does. Miss Nyne just sits there for an hour either asking him a question or waiting for him to talk. Then when her hour is over, she leaves. That happens every other day. After a while, we realized we wouldn't get to talk, so we stopped listening in. Miss Nyne hasn't given up on him yet though," Lenalee explained.

"Do you think... he'll ever come out of his room?" Lavi asked.

"I don't know... He's been here for a while and made no progress... I wonder if that boy will ever be normal again... He had his childhood taken away from him after all. I worry about him because to me, everyone here is family, and he's part of that family too. I just hope he'll be okay after a while," Lenalee sighed.

They then walked on in silence. Lavi has heard the boy's voice, but no one else has. His voice sounded so... small and vulnerable. It sounded like he needed someone there with him. Like he needed love. This weighed on Lavi's mind. If he were depressed so much that he shut himself in his room, would he even be able to recognize love when it was given to him? Staying in his room, it seemed as if he were afraid of the emotion... afraid of people. Lavi ached to help him, but how was he going to?

Soon, the two reached the hall where everyone stayed. He looked at the room with the black window. He stopped in front of it, staring at it as if he could see inside of it. He could hear the sobs of the boy inside. He could almost picture a small frail boy cowering in a corner far away from the door. Lenalee, who had walked ahead a few steps, stopped to look at Lavi. Lavi noticed this and waved her off. "You go on ahead, Lenalee. I'm going to stay here," Lavi said. Lenalee nodded and left Lavi in the hall way staring at the door. "It's me again... Lavi... I just wanted to see if we could talk more. I know you didn't say much yesterday, but I would still like to talk to you." Silence filled the hallway. Lavi waited for something to be said by the boy, but nothing was said. Lavi did notice that the soft sobs had stopped. Lavi sat cross-legged in the hallway, his hands firmly on his knees.

"Alright, you don't have to talk then. Just listen. I'll find something to talk to you about... Oh, I know. I can tell you about the group therapy you missed today. Since it was my first group therapy, I was more than just a little nervous, but it was actually different than what I expected. Lenalee was right in a way of something that she said. Everyone here is almost like family. I especially get that feeling watching Mr. Tiedoll and Yuu. I don't know why he doesn't like people calling him Yuu, but Mr. Tiedoll and I are the only ones who do call him that. Yuu is really grumpy, but he just seems like someone to aggravate for fun. We ended up leaving early though because he attacked Mr. Tiedoll," Lavi paused to give a fond laugh. Silence still came from the room, so Lavi decided to talk more.

"Um, let me tell you a bit about myself I guess. Since you can't see me, I guess I'll describe what I look like. I'm 5'10'' with red unruly hair, one green eye, my right one is covered by an eye-patch, and I'm fairly athletic, but all I really ever play is volleyball. Um... I consider myself a bit outgoing, I think I'm hilarious, and I'm pretty good with the ladies too if you know what I mean. I'm a pacifist, so I really don't like hurting people, though I wasn't always like that. It's how I got my eye-patch actually. My parents died when I was really little, so I then started to live with my grandfather. He's such a stickler for rules and education. I couldn't take it so I lashed out at him a lot and I even became a street fighter. It gave me a little entertainment, but I never thought about how dangerous it could be since I always won. I lost a fight though when one guy brought a knife and cut out my eye. I didn't get a scar, but I did lose my eye. After that, I promised to become a pacifist and never hurt anyone ever again, so they wouldn't experience the same pain I went through. Boy, was my grandfather mad at me after that too. I was forced to go through his special training, so now I'm a freak like him. I've got a photographic memory, can listen to several phone calls at once, and I love history."

By now, Lavi was used to the silence and just continued talking, pausing only to think of something to say. "Oh, I can tell you about my best friend, Daisya Barry. We were really close because we were a lot alike. He was a prankster like me, and he was a good athlete too. He was really obsessed with soccer and was even on our school team. Together during school, we would pull so many pranks on people it was hilarious. The best part is no one ever caught us. Thanks to my grandfather's training, I could get us out of any situation. We had the best of times... Heh, I'm talking as if he's dead. He's not dead. I'm just... gone... Sorry, I made things a little gloomy there. What else is there to talk to you about? Um..."

"Lavi! There you are!" a voice called. Lavi looked down the hallway find Lenalee walking towards him. She smiled at him, but her smile fell when she saw where he was. "What are you doing there? Don't you know what time it is? It's already time for lunch. You can't just sit and stare at a closed door all day." Lavi smiled inwardly at Lenalee's motherly scolding. He stood up with a big smile on his face as she reached him. "Come on, leave the door alone and get some lunch with me."

"Okay," Lavi said turning to leave with Lenalee. He walked slower than Lenalee, and when she was gone, he looked back at the door with a smile. "I'll be back later, Allen. It was nice talking to you." Lavi quickly caught up Lenalee and went to the other side of the room to collect their food. Lavi had ordered chicken noodle soup and a grilled cheese sandwich while Lenalee had ordered a small salad and fruit. Lenalee led Lavi over to sit near Kanda and Miranda. As they neared the table, Lavi tripped and spilled his tray of food on Kanda. Kanda sat there scowling, coated in soup with noodles in his hair and a grilled cheese sandwich in his lap. Lavi paled and began to back away. "That-That was totally an accident!"

"Accident or not, you're dead!" Kanda shouted. He grabbed a butter knife from Lenalee's tray and pointed it at Lavi. Lavi was still nervous but laughed it off.

"A butter knife? What kind of damage could you do with a butter knife?" Lavi asked through his laughter.

"You'd be surprised," Kanda said before quickly slicing Lavi's cheeks. Lavi's eyes widened and he brought his hand up to feel the new warm blood coming from his cut. He looked at his red fingers with shaky hands. "Say your prayers, rabbit!" Kanda started swinging the knife more and Lavi dodged.

"Wait! I don't want to fight you! I'm a pacifist! Please, just stop!" Lavi pleaded. He yelped and ducked under the table as Kanda continued swinging the knife around. Lavi quickly crawled to the other side of the table and watched Kanda cautiously.

"Be a man and quit running away! You said it yourself that you almost killed people before, so come on! Take me on! Or are you scared to be going against someone with a weapon?" Kanda asked with a slight smirk. Lavi remained silent. "Che. You're just a whimp. I'm done with you. Get out of my sight before I decide to kill you." Lavi didn't move. Kanda growled. "Didn't you hear me? Get lost!" Once again Lavi remained still. Kanda growled and jumped over the table to get to Lavi. He went behind Lavi and held him with one arm while the other held the knife close to Lavi's left eye. Lavi tried to get away from the knife, but Kanda's hold was strong. "Stop moving or else I'll miss and you'll get a scar. Of course that won't matter once I blind you."

"Let go of me!" Lavi cried.

"Kanda! I don't think this is such a good idea. Just let him go," Lenalee warned.

"It doesn't matter what you think. This one-eyed bastard's gonna get what he deserves," Kanda said pressing the knife closer to Lavi's eye. As the fear settled in, Lavi's mind started going blank. His head drooped in the blankness of Lavi's mind. Soon, he sighed tiredly.

"He really is useless isn't he? He can't even take care of some samurai-wannabe," Lavi started. Kanda stopped moving the knife forward in confusion.

"He? Samurai-wannabe? What shit are you saying now?" Kanda asked.

"I'm talking about how pathetic Lavi is. Now can you let go of me before I make you?" Lavi asked turning to glare at Kanda. Kanda lost his grip for only a second, but that was all Lavi needed to break free from his grip. He broke away and walked out a few steps. He started swinging his arms around to loosen his shoulder and cracked his neck. "Man this body is stiff. You must have scared him shitless."

"La...vi?" Lenalee asked slowly. Lavi turned his head to her with a pout and shook a finger side to side.

"No no no. My name is Deak, and I'm guessing the she-man over there is who needs to die this time?" Lavi asked pointing at Kanda.

"She-man? You've really done it now, rabbit," Kanda growled before moving to strike with the knife again. Lavi merely laughed and dodged pulling the knife from Kanda in the process. Lavi put on a large smile and pointed the knife at Kanda.

"That was a good try. Now it's my turn," Lavi announced. He sliced at Kanda's back laughing all the while. Kanda held his cut where it was bleeding profusely. "My, my. Don't you have skin like paper. Let's cut you up some more huh?" Lavi gave Kanda more cuts on his back, chest, and arms while giving off a high-pitched laugh. After a while, Lavi tossed the blood-covered knife away and inched closer to Kanda who glared up at him.

"You're... a bastard," Kanda huffed out through the pain. Lavi smiled and pet Kanda's wet hair.

"Thanks for the compliment. Now go to sleep," Lavi said. He hit a nerve in Kanda's neck, making him go unconscious. Kanda dropped to the floor in a huddled mass. Lavi laughed more as Lenalee ran to his side.

"Why did you do that? He's hurt!" she cried. Lavi's laughter subsided to a deep chuckle.

"Because he threatened me, but now I'm thinking that i'll have some fun," Lavi smirked. He kicked Lenalee in the stomach before making his way over to Miranda who was huddled in a corner shaking nervously. He grabbed her hair and pulled her up slowly. Miranda was crying heavily and Lavi sighed. "Stop crying!" He ran her face into the wall causing her to scream out in pain. "Ha ha. You're done crying already? Come on, give me a struggle!" He ran her face into the wall again and again, also taking her consciousness away from her. Lenalee had finally stood and grabbed Lavi's wrist.

"Lavi, stop this. You're proving anything. Just put her down," Lenalee said threateningly.

"Fine," Lavi gave an impatient sound and threw Miranda at Lenalee, knocking them both to the ground. "You don't tell me what to do, bitch!" Lavi walked over to the table placing his hands under it. He lifted up and flipped the table, sending it crashing into the wall. He continued flipping other tables as more people arrived. When Tyki and Suman tried to restrain Lavi, Lavi lashed out fighting them both. He punched Suman knocking him to the ground then ducked as Tyki swung at him. Lavi grabbed his waist and ran him into the nearest table that hadn't been flipped yet. He crashed Tyki into the table successfully breaking the table. Lavi smirked and stood upright again. "Come on! All of you are weak! Take me on!"

Everyone in the room froze as they saw a flash of silver and brown. Before Lavi knew it, a small boy with long silver hair colored brown at the bottom was behind him. He turned to look down at the boy in shock. Lavi couldn't make out his face, but he could tell the boy wasn't happy. "You're too loud," the boy said. Lavi was about to react when an elbow hit the back of his neck. Lavi fell towards the ground, his world going black once again. He looked up again to see the silver and brown start to leave.

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><p>Lavi awoke suddenly, cringing as his eye met bright light. When his eye adjusted, he could see that he was in a white room filled with white furniture. He sat up slowly looking around. He was in a bed that wasn't his, and on either side of him were large white curtains. He drew back the one to his left to see Tyki and Miranda lying there. Tyki had bandages around his head, and Miranda's face had large bruises on it along with a nose clip. Lavi was shocked to see them hurt, but then he realized where he was. He drew the curtains to his right and saw Kanda lying in a bed with Lenalee sitting next to him. Kanda's head and torso was bandaged, and Lenalee wore a tired expression. When she noticed Lavi, she smiled up at him. "How are you feeling, Lavi?" she asked.<p>

"What happened?" Lavi groaned and held his head. Lenalee stared at him blankly.

"You don't... remember anything? I guess you wouldn't," she trailed off. Lavi stared at her confused.

"What do you mean? What happened?" Lavi asked.

"Well, Kanda threatened to blind you, and then you went crazy. You called yourself Deak and almost killed everybody. The lounge is in pretty bad shape too since you started destroying everything," Lenalee explained. Lavi's head swam at the information being given to him. He gripped the bed sheets tightly.

"When did I stop?" Lavi asked suddenly.

"What?"

"When did I stop? I didn't kill anybody did I? How was much was hurt?" Lavi shouted.

"Everyone got away from it with minor injuries and bruises. And Allen stopped you," Lenalee explained. Lavi blinked.

"What?"

"Allen stopped you," Lenalee repeated. Lavi stared at her in disbelief. "I know. I wouldn't believe me either if I didn't see it myself, but he really did stop you. It was the first time he's ever been out his room. Though... he looked awful. The poor kid must have been through a lot to look like that... One question... Why would Allen come out of his room just for you?" Lavi stayed silent. He suddenly whisked the bed sheets and stood up.

"I need to go. What time is it?" Lavi asked walking towards the door.

"Um, 8:34," Lenalee said.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Lenalee," Lavi said before leaving. He walked quickly and with a purpose. If it was all true, Lavi was truly grateful. He stopped in front of the door with the blank window. His spirits fell slightly when he saw it was still closed, but he still smiled. He gently put a hand on the smooth wood of the door. "Allen... I heard what you did for me today... I just... I... Thank you. I don't think I'll ever be able to make it up to you." Lavi received silence as usual. He let out a small chuckle before turning to leave. "It's getting late so I'll let you sleep. I'll be back tomorrow to talk to you more though." Lavi started to walk away.

"Just consider us even," it was spoken so quickly that Lavi wasn't sure if he had even heard it. He stopped to listen more. "That was just me repaying you for getting those dreadful twins to leave yesterday." Lavi smiled.

"Alright, then. I guess if I want to see you more then all I have to do is do something for you huh? I'll see you around, Allen," Lavi said before going to his own room. He laid on his bed, staring at the white, blank ceiling. He held his hand out as if to grab the ceiling. "Dissociative identity disorder, huh?" Lavi chuckled darkly to himself. He let his hand slowly fall to his side. "Is this what you wanted to see me like, Mother, Father?" He then looked at the palm of his hand before making it a fist. "Why did this have to happen? Can you tell me that, Mom? Wasn't I the good boy you'd always wanted, Dad?" He then thought to the boy he as Lavi had yet to see. "Was Allen a good child child too? What did he, did any of us do to deserve this?"

* * *

><p><strong>Well this chapter is a bit shorter which makes me really sad, but hopefully you guys still enjoyed it. The next time I update it won't be a real chapter, but it will still pertain to the story. I'm going to do chapters about each of the characters pasts, and you guys have to guess whose past I'm revealing first :D Review please and I'll see you next update<strong>


	3. Special Chapter 1: Lenalee Lee

**Hello everyone! Like mentioned in the last chapter, this chapter doesn't follow the normal plot. And with your guesses, some of you were right, and I congratulate you on that. Well, time for shout out time! Shout outs go to Mati-Sama, Sathreal, DestinyDreams24, NinjaPandaDGM, an anonymous reviewer, Random Bespectacled Otaku, Timcanpy8me, BrokenHeartedExorcist, Yaoi Fan Girl 14th, Rika, EdwardElricAllenWalker, OceanicCrownClown, Dream Glaze, Sapphire Fan, an anonymous reviewer, Vault1412, LAVEN-YULLEN, izzymizzy, joybug, and SomethingSnarky. Thanks for reviewing everyone! Now, enjoy this special :D**

* * *

><p>June 27th, 2008<p>

10:43 a.m.

Birds chirped in the sky as down below the sound of rushing water could be heard. Cars passed slowly behind a large group of people on the overpass of a bridge. Among the group of people was a girl who stood on the edge of the overpass looking out over the river underneath the bridge. She hugged the support beam of the bridge before closing her eyes. A gentle breeze blew into her cooling her skin and freeing her face of her green hair. When the breeze finished blowing she opened her eyes with a large smile on her face.

"Are you ready, Miss. Lenalee Lee?" one man asked. Lenalee smiled back at the man and smiled giving him a slight nod. "Okay, just let us check a few things before we start." She nodded again and looked back out over the river. A bird flew into her view and she reached out for it. When her hand didn't reach the bird, she stretched onto her toes still reaching for the bird. The bird flew higher into the sky and she sighed. The sky was very clear. The sun shone brightly making it a warmer day. That bird had it all she felt. She wanted to be free and fly in the open very much like that bird, but she was human. She had no wings so stranded on the ground she stayed. Except for moments like this. "Okay, we're ready for you, Miss. Lee."

At first she paused. She wasn't nervous, she was just preparing herself. What happens next is her favorite thing to do. Just when the two men were about to say something, she jumped without warning. No scream came from her lungs. She only smiled and watched as she moved through the air. Though she was once again moving towards the ground, it felt like flying to her. The same free, weightless experience that birds have, she was experiencing then. Even as she neared the ground, never did she feel nervous. Pure bliss was how she would describe her feelings.

Until she was snapped back into reality literally. The harness tightened against her frail hips and shoulders suddenly, freezing her in the air before bringing her back upwards. Once she lost momentum, she started to fall back towards the ground again. While she was happy she was actually going higher in the air, she knew that meant her time was almost up. She would have to stay on land again.

1:23 p.m.

The air was thick and hot from being crowded with people. Bright lights stood around the cramped room, illuminating it too brightly. In one corner of the room, a white tarp hung over a tall stand with the bottom resting on the ground. Not too far away from the tarp a young man paced back and forth worriedly biting his nails. "Where is she? She's over twenty minutes late now!"the man, Komui Lee, growled to no one in particular. He pulled out his cell phone looking at the time once more before opening it to make a call. After each ring, his nerves grew more. On the fifth ring, a breathless 'Hello?' was given. "Lenalee! Where have you been? You're late!"

"Hi, brother. Sorry, I was bungee jumping. I'm on my way now, and I'm pretty close," was his reply.

"BUNGEE JUMPING? You know how dangerous that is! I don't want my precious Lenalee bungee jumping! And pretty close isn't close enough!" Komui shouted into the phone. There was a deep sigh on the other end.

"Brother, I'm fine, and I'm just around the corner. I'll be in there in less than five minutes. Don't worry so much," Lenalee scolded.

"But how can I not? And you'll still have to go through hair and make-up and everything," Komui reminded.

"I know that. I know you care and everything, but I can take care of myself, brother," Lenalee sighed.

"B-But I want to take care of you. You're my precious little Lenalee! I've got photos and everything!" Komui cried starting to pull out his wallet though he knew she couldn't see. A heavy boot came crashing down on his head making him drop the phone.

"Don't you dare pull out _those_ pictures," Lenalee ordered lowly. Komui sniffled his tears and nodded putting the wallet back into his pocket. "Now just give me ten more minutes to go through hair and make-up and we can do this photo shoot." With a smile, Lenalee turned and entered a room meant for models and professionals only.

3:16 p.m.

Lenalee proudly posed along side of two other models for the photo shoot they were doing. They were each wearing bikini tops and short shorts, their faces painted on for the sports magazine they were posing for. Though Lenalee posed confidently, each click of the camera made her head pound. She pushed on through it since these headaches of hers were becoming a normal occurrence to her. Though she tried her best to push through the pain, this headache was the worst yet. She paused in her posing to hold her throbbing head. As soon as she did that, she felt a large wave of dizziness. Her head swam in different directions and she grabbed the shoulder of a nearby model to steady herself. "Lenalee? Are you okay?" the model she held onto asked. It took a few minutes for the question to register in Lenalee's mind. She gave a slow, hesitant nod.

"Why don't you take a break, Lenalee? You're not looking so good," Komui said. Again there was silence as Lenalee's brain slowly registered what was said to her.

"A-Alright, brother. I'll take a little break but I'm fine," Lenalee said quietly. Everyone watched as she stood still. Lenalee suddenly felt very weak, like if she were to take one step forward, she would fall. Seeing this, the other two girls with her helped her sit down.

"Are you sure you're okay, Lenalee? Do you feel sick? You're looking a bit yellow," one girl pointed out.

"I'm fine... Just... didn't get enough sleep last night. That's all," Lenalee lied. Komui raised a brow but said nothing. Lenalee sat there for five more minutes before standing with a small smile on her face. "Alright... Let's get back to business."

7:20 p.m.

Lenalee and Komui sat silently at their kitchen table. Komui ate happily while Lenalee just pushed her food around her plate with her fork. Every now and then, her face would scrunch in disgust as she watched her brother eat. Seeing this, Komui frowned. "Are you not hungry again today, Lenalee?" Lenalee shook her head while Komui sighed. "I've noticed you haven't eaten anything in a while. It's not healthy you know. Is there something wrong? Is that way you're not eating? Is it a boy?" Komui paled at the thought.

"No, brother, it's not a boy. I'm just... watching what I eat. I am a model you know. I have to stay skinny," Lenalee said with a slight smile.

"I'm fine with that, but not eating altogether isn't healthy. I've noticed you're losing weight really fast recently and it's worrying me," Komui mumbled.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Just you see," Lenalee assured.

"Then eat. Small meals won't hurt you," Komui pointed out. Lenalee stared down at her plate and felt her stomach clench. After two weeks of not eating anything, her body was finally starting to get used to the strain. She glared at her plate of food heatedly, but smiled whenever she caught Komui looking at her. Slowly, she started forcing herself to eat. Each bite was very small, but it still twisted Lenalee's insides. "So... How is it?" Lenalee looked up from her plate with a slight grimace. She gave him a questioning look. "The food. Is it good?" Lenalee nodded slowly. "Good. I'm glad to hear it." Komui stood with his empty plate. I'm going to go call Reever to see how he's holding up. I'll see you later." Komui left with his plate.

Thankful for the alone time, Lenalee quickly spit out her mouthful of food. She then grabbed her plate and scraped the leftover food in the trash can. Her insides twisted again, and she could feel her body become heavier. _I have to get this food out of me, but how?_ she thought frantically. She ran to the bathroom of the condo in the hotel they were staying at and knelt beside the toilet. She pulled her hair out of her face and held it up with one hand while the other reached into her mouth. She moved around her uvula until she succeeded in forcing herself to throw up. The motion of purging was a disgusting and vile feeling but the relief that came after it was overpowering. In order to feel that relief again, she purged three more times, only stopping when she felt completely empty.

With a shaky hand, she reached up and flushed the toilet then grabbed the counter to help her stand. After standing, she gripped the counter tightly to steady herself. Though she felt lighter and skinnier, she also felt very weak and lethargic. Once she was sure she was steady, she turned on the faucet letting cold water stream out. She first rinsed her mouth then washed her hands twice, scrubbing as best she could. When she finished cleaning herself off, she left the bathroom and stood on the balcony, looking out over the street. A large gust of wind hit her, chilling her skin and blowing her hair back. She smiled and breathed in deeply to relax. She gripped the railing of the balcony and looked over the edge.

Her suite was only on the third floor of the extravagant resort they stayed at while they were doing their photo shoot. While being in the air at all pleased her, Lenalee still felt trapped by the ground at such a low height. Reaching out and holding onto the wall, Lenalee slowly raised herself onto the small ledge of the low balcony railing.

9:56

Komui knocked on the door to Lenalee's room. After receiving no answer, he opened the door and walked inside. "Lenalee?" He walked in more and almost suffered a panic attack finding Lenalee standing on the edge of the balcony. "LENALEE!" Lenalee turned her head in recognition and smiled as Komui ran over to her.

"Oh, hello, brother. What are you doing here?" Lenalee asked.

"I told you I'd check up on you, but more importantly get down from there! How long have you been standing there anyways?" Komui shouted.

"Huh? Standing where?" Lenalee asked looking down. Another smile appeared on her face. "Oh wow, when did I get here so high up? It feels nice." Lenalee closed her eyes as another breeze blew by.

"Lenalee, I'm being serious. Get down before you fall and hurt yourself. This is different from bungee jumping. You won't get caught if you fall," Komui reminded her.

"Lighten up, brother. I won't fall. I can fly," her voice trailed off sounding more fragile. Komui grabbed her bony wrist.

"Lenalee. Get down. Something might be wrong with you," Komui said. Lenalee wrenched her wrist free.

"I'm fine. Just believe me already. I've never felt... bet...ter..." Lenalee stopped talking as she slipped unconscious. Her body dropped over the edge of the balcony before Komui could grab her. He looked over the balcony as her body dropped towards the ground.

"LENALEE!" Komui shouted. There was a loud sound as Lenalee fell onto the bushes then flopped onto the ground. Komui shakily reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. With tears wetting his face, he called 9-1-1. "Hello? 9-1-1? I need an ambulance. My sister fainted and fell off the third floor."

"Can you tell me the location of your emergency?" the woman on the other line asked.

"Patterson hotel and resort at 4th and main," Komui answered.

"Okay, an ambulance is on their way now. If possible, I need you to administer first aid to your sister, but stay calm. Everything will be okay. You can hang up now," the woman said.

"Okay... Thanks... Goodbye," Komui said before hanging up. He ran out the room wiping the tears from his eyes.

July 2nd, 2008

12:47 p.m.

Lenalee woke up slowly, staring at the blank white ceiling. There was extra pressure on her bed, and she could hear someone crying. She looked around slowly and took in the sight of her hospital room. White walls and floors, a desk to her left with flowers on it and a window above that. To her right was the door and Komui seated in a chair, his upper body resting on the bed. Lenalee reached out and shook his shoulder. Komui looked up at her tiredly then smiled when he realized she was awake.

"Lenalee! You're awake!" Komui cried wiping tears from his eyes and face.

"What happened?" she asked.

"You fainted and fell off of the third floor. It's a miracle you're alive really. The doctor said that if you hadn't fainted, you would have died. There is a small consequence though..." Komui trailed off.

"What is it?" Lenalee asked worriedly. Komui hesitated and Lenalee's fears grew. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"You've been... paralyzed from the waist down. You... won't ever be able to walk again which means... you'll never be able to model again," Komui said looking at the ground. Lenalee's eyes filled with tears, and before she knew it, she was crying so hard her body was trembling. Komui gathered her in a hug, but her cries never stopped. She felt broken. Not only could she not model, but she wouldn't be able to jump anymore. She was now stranded forever on the ground. She wanted to be free.

There was a knock on the door and Lenalee slowed her tears to silent sobs and small trembles. The door opened and a young doctor came in. "Hello, Miss. Lee. I see you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Horrible."

"Are you in any pain? Do you need more pain killers?" he asked.

"No."

"Then why do you feel horrible?" he asked. Lenalee turned her head and glared at him.

"Because I can't walk again, or model again, and I sure as hell can't bungee jump again!" The doctor sighed.

"I was actually coming in here to talk to Mr. Lee about this. About your career and your 'hobby,' I think that it's a good thing this happened. What caused you to faint and fall was anorexia. Over your years of modeling, you've become anorexic. Then your 'hobby,' it's easy to say it's become a dangerous addiction. With that in mind, I wanted to recommend to send you to the Black Order Rehabilitation Center. There they can help you over come your anorexia and help you with your addiction. It would be a good opportunity for you to-"

"I'm not going." Silence filled the room.

"I understand that you could be a bit overwhelmed, but you have to keep in mind your safety and what's best-"

"My safety? There's nothing wrong with me! I'm not anorexic and I don't have an addiction. I just don't eat because that's the demand of being a model. I only like jumping and free falling because it frees me from everything happening on the ground. The only problem I have now is that I can't walk and that's your fault! As a doctor you should be able to do something!" Lenalee shouted.

"Lenalee! That's no to speak to him," Komui scolded.

"I don't care! I'm not going. Why should I trust a doctor who can't even heal me?" Lenalee growled.

"You can make a full recovery," the doctor said throwing the room into silence again. Both of the Lee's heads turned towards him with wide eyes. "It won't be easy of course, and it will take a long time- about 5 years- but it's possible. You just need to attend physical therapy four times a week. If you work hard enough, then you should be able to walk again. If you can do that, will you go to the Black Order Rehabilitation Center?" Lenalee thought for a few minutes before Komui grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It's up to you. If you're going to do this, it's not something I can help you with," Komui started.

"I know... Even knowing that though... I think... I'll do it, but I'm not agreeing to go to some loony bin yet. I still have my career to think about," Lenalee smiled. Komui and the doctor exchanged a quick glance before the doctor asked Komui to follow him outside. They argued for a short while before coming back in the room, fake smiles obviously plastered on their faces. "What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing. I was just finalizing a few things with the doctor," Komui said.

"You can leave tomorrow night. I'll have one of the nurses bring you a wheelchair. Have a good day," the doctor said before leaving.

February 16th, 2010

1:34 p.m.

_I can do this..._ Lenalee thought as she took a look around the empty room in front of her. A light was on in a room in the back of the room she was currently sitting in. With shaky hands she reached for the handles of her wheelchair. After taking in a deep breath, she pushed herself up to stand. Her legs were weak and she wobbled a bit, but she was able to stand. Slowly, she let go of the wheelchair and started taking her first steps. _Right... Left... Right... Left..._ she thought as she put one foot in front of the other. She smiled when she was able to walk five steps successfully. On her seventh step, her strength gave out and she sank quickly to her knees. _Not now... I can't quit. Not when I'm so close. _Steadily, she stood again and continued walking through the room with very little problems.

"Lenalee? What are you doing? You're not supposed to be walking yet!" a voice shouted. She turned to see her physical therapist, an old woman, rushing out of the room from the back. Lenalee simply smiled at her.

"I told you I would prove them wrong. Doctors told me it would take 5 years, and others told me it wasn't even possible. Here I am only two years later, and I'm walking," she said.

"Why did you want to rush this? Rushing it could have lead to more problems and complications and even more surgeries," the woman explained.

"I know, but I felt so trapped. I needed to be free. Plus now I can go back to work. Komui's had to start working just to make ends meet. It'll be nice now if I can help him out," Lenalee smiled.

"Well... if you can walk safely now, then I guess you're done here. Make sure to keep up your own routines at home to keep strengthening your legs. They're still a bit weak. Also, I know you can walk, but I'd like you to use crutches for two more weeks to make sure you can stay stable. That's all, so you can go home now if you'd like," the woman said. Lenalee nodded and headed to the door where an assistant handed her a pair of crutches. Lenalee called for a taxi and smiled in the back as she rode towards her house.

8:42 p.m.

Komui entered the apartment he and Lenalee share and dropped his keys in shock. In front of him, Lenalee was walking with her crutches towards her bedroom. "L-Lenalee... You're... walking again?" Lenalee looked up at the mention of her name and nodded.

"I just started walking today at physical therapy. Isn't it great, brother? I did it. I'm done. Now I can be a model again, right? That's why I couldn't model before, so now I can-"

"You can't," Komui said harshly. Lenalee looked at him shocked.

"What? What do you mean I can't? Is it because you won't let me or-"

"No. It's not that I won't let you it's... because you've been banned from the modeling world," Komui started. Lenalee chocked back the tears that stung her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I tried everything I could, but they still banned you. No modeling agency wants to hire a girl whose had a problem with anorexia. Plus, they feel you're a bit... dangerous, considering your hobby."

"It's not dangerous! And why can't I model just because they want me to be skinny? Every week it'd be the same thing! 'Looks like you're gaining weight,' or 'You need to lose a few more pounds,' or 'Oh, it doesn't fit? Sorry, fatso!' I did all of that for them and then they just cast me aside? They think I'm dangerous? This isn't dangerous! It gives me an escape from _Them_!" Lenalee shouted.

"I understand how you feel you need to calm down," Komui said in a hushed tone.

"Calm down? How can I calm down? I can't model again! And you can't say you understand 'cause you've never been in this situation.! I know... I'll prove to them it's not dangerous," Lenalee chuckled madly before quickly hobbling to a window in their apartment. She slid open the window with a dark smile.

"Lenalee!" Komui shouted as she tried to climb out. He rushed over and pulled her back before she could jump.

"Let go of me! I have to prove to them it's not dangerous!" she shouted desperately. They began to struggle for control. In their struggle, Lenalee knocked a flower pot out of the window. Their struggle stopped in order for them to look out the window and watch the flower pot fall. It fell slowly at first, but then picked up speed, the plant inside bending and swaying with the force. The pot landed with a sickening crash, coming close to hitting a man walking on the sidewalk. Lenalee's eyes widened and she backed away from the window, cowering. "That... That could have been me?"

"Yeah... Do you see now how dangerous this addiction of yours is? I know you're not comfortable with this, but I think the Black Order Rehabilitation Center is the best place for you know... especially since you've kept your anorexia until now... I think... they'll be able to help you," Komui said. Lenalee swallowed the lump in her throat that had formed and gave a shaky nod.

"Alright... I'll go... I don't know what else I would do anyways..."

March 2nd, 2010

9:18 a.m.

Komui and Lenalee looked at the large intimidating building. Lenalee gave a nervous smile to Komui. "I don't have to go... Do I?"

"Oh... I'm sure it's better than it looks. Besides, this is for your own good," Komui reminded.

"I know... Do you think... I'll ever be able to come back?" she asked.

"I think so. You're incredibly strong Lenalee... I'll miss you, but I know that this is for the best. With your determination, you'll come back out here soon, but I'll wait for you for as long as it takes. You are my precious Lenalee after all," Komui smiled sadly. Lenalee felt tears sting at her eyes as she gave her brother a tight hug. Komui smiled and hugged her back as he felt the tears stream down his face. "Be good, kiddo, and try everything at least once. The trick to this is trying your best." Lenalee nodded into his jacket. "And stay away from boys. If I find out that any boy has put his filthy hands on my precious Lenalee, I'll come down here with Komurin and-"

"Brother," Lenalee scolded. Komui stopped his speech. "No more komurins, no more explosives, no more devices, no more potions, no more anything crazy while I'm gone. I want you to take care of yourself too, and also I asked Mr. Reever to help you out too. I don't want you driving him insane." Komui chuckled.

"But it's my job to make those things. I'll tone it down for you, but no promises," Komui smiled.

"That'll have to do. Well, bye, brother," Lenalee sighed. She pulled away from Komui and started pulling her luggage into the room. "Oh, and, brother." She turned to look at him. "Have fun without me. Don't spend all of your time worrying about me. Bye!" Lenalee smiled and ran inside the building. Komui smiled as more tears fell.

"Bye, Lenalee... I'll see you when you get out."

7:30 p.m.

Taking a deep breath, Lenalee walked out of her room for the first time. She headed towards the lounge for dinner. Before entering, she peaked her head in the room. It was a nicely furnished room, but she was surprised to find it empty. Sticking her head in farther, she tried to get a better look. "Hey, are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna go in?" She jumped at the voice and turned around quickly to see a boy with long black hair in a ponytail. His eyes were coal black and glaring at her with such coldness in them. Looking into his eyes sent chills down her spine.

"I-I... I didn't mean... I mean," she mumbled. Laughter filled the hallway catching Lenalee's attention. She caught a pair of twins walking towards them.

"Looks like Mr. Grumpy is scaring another girl. He's not gonna get any dates like that," the black haired one said.

"Nope. No dates, hee hee," the blonde one giggled.

"What do you two want? I'm already irritated enough. Unless you wanna die, shut up," the first boy said again.

"You're the one that needs to shut up, kid," the black haired twin said.

"Yeah, shut up, kid, hee hee," the blonde one giggled.

"Che, whatever. Out of my way," the boy said before pushing past Lenalee roughly. She stumbled then watched as he walked on, unamused. She clenched her teeth and glared at his back.

"Hey! Is that how you talk people?" she shouted. The boy stopped his walk and glared back at her. She faltered for a second before gaining her courage again. "I don't know what brought you here, but you can't just talk to people like that! Those two are right! No one is ever going to like you if you just keep treating everyone like that!" The boy started to walk towards her. "You don't scare me! You really need to learn some... man...ners..." She cowered as the boy stood right in front of her. He grabbed her by the shirt and pulled her closer.

"What can you do to stop me? You're not my mother, and you definitely aren't my friend. I have no need for friends, so why should I-" He stopped when Lenalee kicked him down low. He dropped her and fell to the ground.

"Never underestimate a girl in boots," Lenalee smirked and showed off her knee high boots. She then walked on to get her cafeteria food. As she turned around, she ran into a woman knocking the woman to the ground. "Sorry about that. Are you okay?" Lenalee outstretched her hand to the woman to help her stand. The woman yelped and quickly got on her knees and bowed to her.

"I-I'm so sorry! Sorry! It was just an accident! Please forgive me!" the woman shouted. Lenalee sweatdropped and crouched beside her.

"I'm not mad. I'm actually worried if you're okay since I knocked you down. So are you okay?" Lenalee asked again. The woman looked up from her bowing with tears in her eyes. Slowly she nodded and stood with Lenalee. "Would you like to eat with me?" Again the woman nodded. "Good. I'll get our table then." Lenalee sat down at a table while the woman ordered her food. The woman came back and sat down cowering in fear. "Can you tell me your name?"

"M-Miranda Lotto..." the woman said.

"It's nice to meet you, Miranda. I'm Lenalee," Lenalee smiled.

"About earlier... Are you okay?" Miranda asked.

"Yes. I already told you not to-"

"Not that. I meant with him," Miranda said motioning to Kanda who was now seated at another table, eating with a set scowl on his face.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. I took self- defense classes as a child, so don't worry about me," Lenalee said.

"That's good. He's Yuu Kanda, but we never call him Yuu. The last person who did was in intensive care for three weeks. And those twins are Devit and Jasdero, but you need to call them Jasdevi. I guess with you here, we're now a group of five. I'm happy that another girl is in the group. I thought I was going to be all alone-"

"Hey, girl. What's your name?" the boy from earlier, Yuu Kanda, demanded. Lenalee smiled up at him.

"Lenalee Lee. I heard you're Kanda. So what do you want?" Lenalee asked. There was silence for a short while.

"Nothing," Kanda said before sitting next to her. Lenalee smirked.

"What's this? You want to sit with us? I thought you didn't have friends," she said.

"You're not my friends and I don't want to sit with you. I'm just... escaping those two idiots," Kanda sighed and pointed to Devit and Jasdero who were having a food fight with their mashed potatoes.

"If you insist," Lenalee smirked before taking a sip of her coffee. _Black Order Rehabilitation Center... I can do this. _

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><p><strong>That's the end of this Don't Get So Close To Me Special! I hope you guys liked it, and I'll be doing others for all of the other characters later on. If you guys liked the special then I'll continue doing this after every two chapters. Well... Please review. I'm proud of you guys for reviewing this much so far. I love it. So review and you'll get a shout out next chapter. :D See ya then.<strong>


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! I know it's been a while since you heard anything from me, but I'm free now! ^^ My school sports are now over and I won't get home at 10 every night with homework to do still. I'll start going back to more regular updates now. Moving on, I'd like to thank all of you who read and especially those who reviewed! I'm so happy to have over 70 reviews already and at only the third chapter. So, it's shout out time now! Shout outs go out to Vault1412, Mati-Sama, Joybug, viney, SomethingSnarky, ally, janrockiss, NinjaPandaDGM, EdwardElricAllenWalker, , SparklyGlitter, sathreal, Badee Badaa Doo, Rinusagitora, Two-Different-Roses, haku fan 1, SarahJanes, Ayano131, You Still Love Me, and azab for reviewing. Thanks! I love you guys! Oh, and before I start the story, I was asked the question as to why Allen still has some brown hair at the ends of his long silver hair. That will be answered in this chapter. Well, enjoy ^^**

**Note: This chapter takes place a few weeks after the last chapter.**

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><p>"Hello again, Lavi. Is there anything new you would like to share with me today? Are you adjusting well here? I know it's been a few weeks since you've arrived here at the Black Order Rehab Center, but I haven't really heard your thoughts on the place," Klaud Nyne smiled at Lavi who was currently lounged in front of her. Lavi shrugged and looked out the window behind Klaud Nyne.<p>

_3 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, and 36 minutes. That's how long I've been here yet I still don't want to say anything, _Lavi thought. Outside the window, Lavi caught sight of a nest of baby cardinals, the mother not there. "There's nothing really to say I guess," Lavi said once he realized Klaud wouldn't move on until he said something.

"There's nothing at all you want to talk about? No stories about your friends, anything from your life before the Order... nothing?" Klaud asked desperately. Lavi shook his head again causing Klaud to sigh. Klaud reached into one of the drawers in her desk and pulled out a manila folder. She opened it up and held up the large stack of papers inside for Lavi to see. "This here is your life up until now. You sure were a busy boy by the looks of it. You played piano, the violin, and the cello, and you did Karate, Tae Kwan Do, Judo, and even Aikido and Kendo, and you've played soccer, basketball, volleyball, football, hockey, and you've ran track, done wrestling, and did ski jumping for a little while. On top of all of that, you've been on several school decathlon teams, and excelled in your studies. Would you care to tell me about those? What made you give them up? It seems that before you came here the only thing you did was volleyball. What happened?"

"What happened?" Lavi repeated. Klaud sat back in her chair waiting for Lavi to answer. Lavi's attention turned back towards the nest outside the window. The mother bird had returned and the little chicks began flocking to their mother. "Who knows. Everything that had happened back then is a blur. I was doing so much I barely had time to myself. I guess I just got tired of it all and I..." Lavi paused as he watched a baby bird fall out of the nest. It tumbled through the air towards the ground and then out of sight as it passed the bottom of the window. "I fell under the pressure and quit."

"All of those activities seem kinda nerve wracking. Did you ever feel nervous?" Klaud asked. One by one Lavi watched the other baby birds line themselves on the edge of the nest. The mother watched over them carefully as it was time for them to learn to fly. "Lavi? Were you ever nervous?"

Lavi chuckled almost darkly. "Did I ever feel nervous?" The chicks fidgeted on the edge of the nest. "Of course I did, but..." The chicks jumped, some of them returning into view flapping their wings while few didn't. "It's all just a part of life. I remember being a nervous wreck, then the next thing I knew, it was all over."

"So you don't remember anything? Your different matches for the sports you played? Your piano recitals or orchestra concerts? Your decathlon matches? You don't remember any of them?" Klaud asked.

"Nope, but I'm sure if I did, my head would burst since there have been so many," Lavi said.

"But doesn't not knowing scare you?" Klaud said. Lavi froze in place. He didn't dare look at Klaud.

"W-What do you mean by that?" Lavi asked.

"You have a photographic memory, but you don't remember some of the most important times in your life. Haven't you ever thought about that?" Klaud asked. Lavi remained silent. He hadn't ever thought of this that way, and now that Klaud had pointed it out, not remembering those things scared him. The more he tried to remember, the further away from remembering he would get. After what felt like an eternity of inner turmoil to Lavi, Klaud spoke up again. "I'm sorry, but it seems like our time together is over. If you have anything else to share, it will have to wait until next time. See you then." Lavi nodded wearily and left.

Lavi tried to compose himself as he wandered the halls of the Black Order Rehabilitation Center. He set a hand on the wall and leaned against it, holding his free hand to his head. _Why can't I remember any of that? Sure I try to forget everything that happened back then, but that doesn't mean I should be able to, _Lavi thought.

"Hey, boy... Are you doing alright?" A deep voice asked. Lavi shivered and looked behind him with a wide eye. Tyki Mikk walked closer to Lavi a slight smirk evident in his features.

"Oh... H-Hello, Tyki... I-I'm doing fine. It's just a headache," Lavi lied with a weak smile.

"Are you stressed? If you want, you could always come to my room and I could give you a massage," Tyki offered. He now stood with Lavi and wrapped an arm around his waist. Lavi squirmed at the unwelcome contact and laughed nervously.

"Th-That's not necessary... I can just go take a nap in my room," Lavi declined trying to back away. Tyki held his chin and made Lavi look up at him.

"Why would you do that though... Boy?" Tyki smirked and leaned in next to Lavi's ear. "You seem like my type, and I'd love to see what you would do. Bet you're a virgin. Am I right?" Lavi squirmed and tried to push Tyki away. "Getting violent? Great. We can do lots of S and M things then. Bet you would like that, huh, boy? You didn't get that eye patch for nothing, right?"

"S-Stop!" Lavi struggled. A nervous squeal sounded down the hallway gaining the attention of both men. Shaking nervously at the end of the hallway was Miranda, shifting her eyes to the men and away quickly.

"S-Sorry if I was in-interrupting something. I-I didn't meant to-"

"Now the mood is ruined. This will have to wait till later, boy. I'll go find some other way to pleasure myself," Tyki announced. He quickly nipped at Lavi's ear before letting him go and walking away. Lavi stiffened out of disgust and started cleaning his ear. Miranda squealed again and slid to her knees, mumbling in incoherent German nervously at what she just saw. Once Lavi calmed down, he walked over to Miranda and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks for coming when you did. If you hadn't I probably would've been raped. Thanks," Lavi smiled. Miranda shook nervously.

"R-Raped? Oh, mien Gott! Ich weiß nicht, ob ich damit umgehen könnte jemand vergewaltigt. Was ist in der Welt passiert? I-ich kann das nicht. Das ist zu viel. Gott, hilf mir," She began to mumble in her native German.

"Beruhigen," Lavi said calmly. Miranda stopped mumbled and looked at Lavi with tears in her eyes. "Alles ist in ordnung. Sie müssen nicht um nichts zu kümmern. Vielen dank für alles." Miranda calmed down and Lavi smiled. "All better now?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you. You know German?" she asked.

"Not only German. I know Russian, Italian, Spanish, French, Japanese, and Mandarin Chinese too," Lavi boasted.

"Yes, well, I was just walking by to go meet Lenalee in the lounge, so if you'll excuse me... Good bye, Lavi," Miranda said before standing and walking away. Lavi watched her for a bit before continuing down the hallway himself.

As he neared his destination, a fond smile appeared on his face. _For the past 3 weeks and 4 days, this is the only thing here I actually enjoy doing, _Lavi thought to himself. He stopped walking in front of a door with a black window. "Hello again, Allen. I'm here for my daily visit," Lavi said sitting down. He smiled at the door happily as if he were talking to an old friend. "I can't believe it's been almost a month since we've started talking. Well, I say we but it seems like you still aren't too comfortable with me. I hope I haven't been a burden to you every day. I'd hate it if I were to-"

"Lavi," Allen called. Lavi stopped talking and gave his attention to the voice on the other side of the door. "How would you like to come in for today? Certainly it'd be better than having people find you talking to door..." Lavi sensed the hesitation in his voice but was happy by the boy's offer.

"Is it really okay? I know you haven't let anyone see you for years," Lavi trailed off.

"Yes, it's fine, Lavi. Just... don't get too shocked," Allen said. Lavi heard the click of the door knob turn and stood. Lavi stood and opened the door a bit more. Inside the room, it was dark. Lavi couldn't see anywhere except for where the light from the hallway lit the room. "Don't just stand there! Come in quickly!" Allen shouted. It was a command, but Lavi could hear the fear. He walked in and shut the door behind him. As the door shut, Lavi heard a sigh of relief. "Sorry about that..."

"It's okay. You have your reasons to be scared," Lavi said. He tried to look around the room but couldn't see anything. "Um... do you mind if I turn on a light?" As soon as those words were said, a lamp in the corner of the room turned on. Lavi quickly looked around the room. Along the walls, words, numbers, and different lines and squiggles were scratched into the wall. Papers were scattered on the ground, and the bed in the center of the room was disheveled and in disarray. The nightstand beside it had been overturned and had more things etched into its wooden surface. He turned to the corner of the room where the lamp was and was shocked at what he saw.

In the corner by the lamp stood a boy. He was a sickly thin, and it showed even through the nightgown he wore. Skin stuck to his bones and showed a very sallow complexion. His left arm was covered by terrible burns making the skin brown and black and almost flaky. The boy looked like he would snap in two if one were to try to hug him. His hair was long, stopping at the back of his knees and was colored with two different colors. Most of his hair was a pale white color resembling a ghost, while the few inches on the bottom of his hair was brown. The boy turned his head and looked at Lavi with pale blueish-gray eyes that looked almost soulless. Above his left eye was a scar in the shape of a pentacle and a line trailing from a point of the cursed star down to his mid-cheek.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Allen asked, his fragile voice cutting the tension in the air. Lavi was stunned at how broken the boy sounded. "Oh God... Maybe this was a mistake... You're just like the others after all."

"I'm sorry I was just... stunned... How did this happen to you?" Lavi asked. Silence filled the room again as Allen looked to the ground.

"Let's just say... No one in the world is ever as safe as they think they are," Allen finally said. Lavi stepped towards him to comfort him. "Wait!" Lavi stopped at the urgency in his voice. "Before we continue our talk, I want to lay down some rules. First... I don't want you to touch me... at all. I can't handle it. Second... Tell no one about me. I couldn't bare any more abuse from those wretched twins. Third... I know you mean well but... Don't get so close to me. I'm a cursed child."

"Fine. I'll accept those. This is your room after all," Lavi said sitting on Allen's bed. Allen just stood still.

"Why are you here?" Allen finally blurted out. Lavi was taken back by this question.

"What do you mean 'why am I here'? I told you I was here for our daily talk," Lavi said.

"That's not what I meant. Why are you in the Black Order Rehabilitation Center? You seem like a normal person so what brings you here?" Allen asked again.

"Oh... That... Well I have dissociative identity disorder. My other personality... Is frightening. You saw him, but I wasn't always like this I don't think. I had a normal life. You know, a mom, a dad, a whole life ahead of me. At least that's how it was. There was so much going on back then, everything was a blur. All I remember is one night, my father came home drunk one night and started hitting my mom. I felt my anger towards him grow stronger because we weren't exactly close even if I was a kid, and when he started hitting my mom, I lost it. I don't remember what happened after that, but I woke up at the police station covered in blood. I was told that my dad killed my mom and then committed suicide."

"Then," He continued in a harsh voice, "my grandfather who had been travelling around the world at that time came to get me and I started living with him from then on. I kept doing all of the sports and extra-curriculars I had been doing and I added more thinking I could run away from everything. It wasn't until Gramps was scared of me and angrily took me out of everything. I should've guessed something happened then but... I didn't. Gramps made me study with him. I was home schooled until I got to middle school. Gramps gave me some of my freedom back. That's when I picked up street fighting. I got pretty good at it too, but just like everything else I've done... I don't remember it... I only remember that one fight where I lost my eye, but even after I lost it... my memories just stop. It... scares me..."

Lavi stared down at the carpet with an empty expression, like his mind was somewhere else. Allen watched Lavi curiously, thinking of something to say. As Allen opened his mouth to speak, Lavi's head suddenly snapped up, a large, goofy smile plastered on his face. "Sorry about that. So, why are you here, Allen? What's your story?" Lavi asked happily. Allen hesitated looking at Lavi in disbelief.

"Uh... I... I... I'll tell you some other time... Maybe when you come back from lunch. You should go now. The others should be there now too," Allen said hurriedly. Lavi's smile faltered, but he held it and stood from his seat on the bed.

"Alright, see you soon, Allen," Lavi said and quickly left the room. Once he stood in the hallway Lavi returned to his dazed state. _What is going on with me?... I just said things that I shouldn't have..._ Lavi thought. Lavi's head began to swim as different images came to his mind. Images of him as a child dressed for a piano recital or of him dressed for a soccer game or of him holding up a decathlon trophy. _Stop... Stop... Stop!... STOP IT! _Lavi cringed as the memories kept coming to him. He sank to his knees holding his head as the pain continued. "I SAID !" Lavi cried out.

"Lavi?" asked a gentle voice. Suddenly, the images stopped flooding Lavi's filled his eye as he looked to his right to see Lenalee standing there. She looked down at Lavi with a frightened expression. "Are... Are you okay?"

"Lenalee? Uh... Yeah, sorry... I-I'm fine," Lavi stood up and steadied himself before smiling at Lenalee. "So are you heading to lunch? Let's go together. I'm in the mood for some mac and cheese today. I wonder if Yuu will be there-"

"That's enough." It was barely a whisper, but Lavi could feel the emotion behind it. His smile weakened. "You think that no one's noticed? Why do you force yourself to smile, Lavi? I can't stand your fake smiles..." Lavi's smile fell and turned into a frown.

"I'm sorry, Lenalee. I'm just used to it," Lavi said.

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><p>Lavi hummed happily as he walked down the hall. In his hands was a plate covered in food. <em>Allen has to be hungry. I wonder how he gets fed if he does get fed... He looked pretty thin, <em>Lavi thought. Lavi's thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of a struggle ahead. The sounds were coming from a room close to him. He ran ahead listening closely to the sounds searching for people. He stopped outside a room and looked inside.

There were four men struggling to detain someone, a fifth standing nearby holding something. The four men finally got a hold of their target and held him steady. Lavi's eye widened at the site of Allen being held. Allen pulled desperately trying to escape.

"Just hold still. This won't hurt a bit," the fifth man said. He held up the syringe in his hands and Allen's eyes shook in fear. He struggled more as the man neared him.

"Allen!" Lavi cried out. He rushed into the room and stood between the man and Allen. "Stay away from him." Everyone in the room looked at Lavi shocked.

"Excuse me, but this doesn't concern you. We're simply trying to administer Mr. Walker's daily medicine. We mean him no harm-"

"It doesn't matter! Look at how scared he is! How can you do this knowing that he doesn't want it?" Lavi shouted. The man in front of Lavi laughed.

"How do you know what he wants? He doesn't speak to anyone! We're just trying to help him, so get lost," he said.

"I won't. You can't just keep treating him like this. There's a reason why he doesn't speak, but none of you care!" Lavi protested. The man glared at Lavi in annoyance.

"Out of my way," the man said. He hit Lavi upside his head, forcing Lavi to the ground. He walked forward and pushed the syringe into Allen's arm giving him the medicine. As he pulled the syringe out, the other men released Allen, letting him slink to the ground. "We'll be back tomorrow, Mr. Walker. Like we always are." The five men left and closed the door, leaving Lavi and Allen in the dark.

"Allen?... A-Are you okay?" Lavi asked. He carefully crawled around the room until he felt Allen with his hands. "Allen... You are okay aren't you? Please be okay... Allen?" Lavi began desperately shaking Allen.

"I'm okay. Man... You're really loud, you know that?" Allen groaned. Lavi chuckled a little.

"Sorry. Want me to help you up?" Lavi asked. He held onto Allen's arm to steady him. Allen yanked his arm away and backed away from Lavi into the corner of the room.

"I thought I told you not to touch me," Allen said. The room was silent for a while. Lavi stared into the darkness where he assumed Allen was while Allen huddled to himself in the corner. "Why don't you just leave. You can come back tomorrow if you want, but I just want to be alone right now." Lavi stared sadly at Allen.

"Alright, I'll go if that's what you want. I'll be back tomorrow though. Bye, Allen," Lavi said finding his way to the door. He opened the door and walked outside, pausing to look back at the boy in the corner. He wanted to say something more, but instead closed the door and walked away.

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><p><strong>Well that's it for this chapter. This chapter felt weird to write. Hopefully, you all like it. I will be updating more regularly now so be expecting something soon ^^ Remember to review. Translations for the German used is here below.<strong>

Oh, mien Gott! Ich weiß nicht, ob ich damit umgehen könnte jemand vergewaltigt. Was ist in der Welt passiert? I-ich kann das nicht. Das ist zu viel. Gott, hilf mir- Oh my god! I don't know if I could handle someone being raped. What is happening to the world? I-I can't do this. This is too much. God, help me.

Beruhigen- Calm down

Alles ist in ordnung. Sie müssen nicht um nichts zu kümmern. Vielen dank für alles- Everything is fine. You don't need to worry about anything. Thank you for everything.


	5. Chapter 4

_Knock! Knock!_

"Allen? It's me, Lavi. I wanna come in and talk with you again." Lavi waited patiently and was soon rewarded with the clicking sound of the door unlocking and the slow creak as it was opened ever so slightly. As how he had been doing it for the past week and a half, the redhead quickly slipped inside and shut the door. The light then turned on as he locked the door shut, and as per usual, Allen sat in the far corner of the room with his back facing towards Lavi.

"Group therapy today was rather interesting. Miranda got to talking today, and though she mumbles quite a lot, she's actually a really interesting person. It's a shame she was treated so cruelly before coming here. Oh, but after Miranda talked, Tiedoll showed us pictures of Lenalee from when she was a model, then he had her talk about each shoot and what was happening at the time. A model's career is really scary. I don't think I could ever do it."

"I don't know about that. I think you have a kinda handsome face," Allen offered. Lavi paused, still a little unused to it. Allen had started saying small things back to him every once in a while, and though it still wasn't a full conversation, the fact that the boy even spoke to him at all instilled the redhead with a bit of pride and happiness.

"Oh, gosh, I wouldn't go that far. I mean I would hope I'm not ugly, but I'm definitely not model material, especially with this eye patch. But-"

"I think it's nice."

"Is that so..?" Lavi smiled and invited himself to sit on Allen's bed once more since it looked like he didn't really ever use it. That thought mustered a chuckle from the redhead which caused Allen to turn ever so slightly in wonder. "Sorry, I just thought it was funny how used to this we've become. It's been just a week and half yet here we are acting as if this is just a normal way of life. Though, I guess in a way it kinda is."

"So you think this is normal? Like it's just fact that you'll come by every day? Isn't that a bit naive?" Allen asked as he turned to face the wall. Lavi frowned.

"Are you expecting me to stop coming by suddenly? Isn't that a bit too pessimistic?"

"It's not pessimistic. It's fact. If you don't stop coming by choice, then you're going to become unable to come somehow. Whether it's because you get better and leave this place because you seem much more 'normal' than me, or you could die. It happens all of the time, so why couldn't I expect the same to happen to you?" By this point, Allen had huddled together, his arms holding onto his legs tightly. Lavi could see slight tremors moving his shoulders and stood from the bed.

"Allen?" Lavi called, taking small steps towards the boy. It wasn't long before he was squatting beside him, a hand hovering in the air. "Don't worry. Nothing would happen to make me go anywhere. I'm definitely not anywhere near being 'healed' anyways, and we're so safe here, how could I possibly die?"

"You don't know that for sure. Anything could happen to anyone, anywhere, no matter how safe they think they are. Neither you nor I can say for sure that you won't-" Allen stopped with a gasp as Lavi's hand came down on his shoulder. With lightning-fast reflexes, he slapped the offending hand away and stood up, taking a step away from Lavi. "Don't touch me!" The long-haired boy gasped wildly for air, feeling his lungs failing on him.

"Allen? Are you okay? I- I didn't mean to-"

"Stop it!" Allen shouted almost desperately as Lavi tried to stand. The redhead cautiously backed away which allowed Allen to calm down and catch his breath. Lavi didn't dare say anything until he was sure there wouldn't be another out lash. They stood in silence for minutes until Allen had finally begun breathing normally and relaxed from his tensed state.

"Allen? I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by that."

"I think you should leave for today. . .And don't come back for a while. Right now, I can't handle having you here. We're getting too familiar too quickly, and I'm not ready for the barriers you're trying to break to come down yet." Allen avoided looking in Lavi's direction which the redhead found all the more painful.

"Allen? But why? Is it because I touched you? I'm sorry, I didn't know how else to comfort you, I-"

"Just get out already. You'll know when you can come talk to me again." Allen's voice was barely a murmur, his voice weak and timid. Lavi hesitated, staring at the floor before nodding to himself.

"Alright. . .I'll go then. Sorry to bother you today," Lavi whispered, forcing himself towards the door. With a click, he unlocked the door and left the room. Almost immediately, the door shut behind him and locked once more. Instead of walking away, Lavi stared at the door, wanting to see inside only to be blocked by the black cloth covering the window pane. Low mumbles and murmurs could be heard from inside once more. It only made Lavi feel as though he were even less welcome than when he first came to this rehabilitation center.

"Do you ever wonder what we're doing here?" Lavi stared at the bits of macaroni and cheese stuck to his fork as he could feel the gazes of everyone nearby fixating on him. Before anyone could speak however, he quickly picked up where he left off and set his fork down on his plate.

"I mean, I know what we're supposed to be doing here—getting 'cured' or becoming 'normal' or whatever you wanna call it—but don't you ever just stop and think 'what am I really doing here?' Like, what are we here for? For ourselves? To find happiness? To be 'normal?' Why?"

"Is everything okay, Lavi?" Lenalee asked. He looked over to her to see her quirking a thin brow at him, though really even if he wanted to explain further, the redhead wasn't sure he would be able to. "Do you need to go see Miss Nyne?"

"Yeah, 'cause she's done so much for me so far," Lavi rolled his eye to lay the sarcasm on as thick as he could.

"So now you're just whining?" The new voice to the conversation startled Lavi. Really, Kanda was the last person he would have expected to respond. "If you're just feeling sorry for yourself over something, then get over it. If you're having some kinda meltdown or crisis, go get the fucking help you need, but if you're not even taking this place seriously enough, then get lost. You have no need for this place, and it definitely has no need for you."

"Kanda! You can't just keep saying things like that," Lenalee chided. She hit his head though it really didn't seem as if she put much force behind it.

"No, he's right Lenalee. There's something. . .something wrong or missing. . .but I can't figure out what. Yuu's been here so long, he's probably already found it, but me. . .I don't know," Lavi sighed and rested his chin in his palm. There was a growl from Kanda at the use of his first name, but Lenalee soothed the beast over with a gentle touch on his arm.

"Then maybe you should go see Miss Nyne. I don't think she's seeing anyone right now, so it would be okay for you to go. It is her job to listen to you after all," she suggested, taking a rather peppy bite of her salad.

"Maybe. . ." Lavi stood from his seat and gathered his dishes, putting them up in the back of the room. With a small wave good-bye, he left the lounge and wandered aimlessly through the halls. Of course, seeing Klaud Nyne would have been the smartest or even best option, yet for some unknown and compelling reason, Lavi walked right past her door.

Lavi wandered the halls until he came across a very familiar door with a black window pane. He found himself sitting beside it, listening to the ramblings coming from inside the room. At first, it sounded indistinct, like Allen wasn't even saying words, but after a while, the redhead could make out some words.

"He's coming for me."

"He'll kill everyone."

"I'll lose everyone again."

"Please let him be safe."

Listening like that, Lavi sat silently for minutes, hours even. There was something disconcerting yet also comforting about the mumblings that felt so welcoming to the redhead. It wasn't until a boot came into contact with his foot that he realized he had closed his eye. Kanda stood before him, a rather displeased expression on his face.

"Hey, get up. I'm gonna show you something." Lavi nodded and stood which prompted Kanda to walk away unceremoniously. At first, Lavi had a hard time keeping up, but it wasn't long before he could successfully match paces with him.

"So? Where are we going? It's rare for you to want to show me something," Lavi said in a sing-song voice. Despite his mockery, he really was curious as to where they were going.

"Just shut up. And keep in mind that I'm not doing this for you," Kanda barked back.

It wasn't long before Kanda stopped and opened a door. Lavi slowly walked in, soaking in the essence of the room. The two stood in Kanda's bedroom, a room that despite being the same size as Lavi's seemed so much larger. The bed was pushed all the way into the corner with the bed stand beside it. The room was void of any other furniture though the closet seemed packed. A lone tatami mat sat in the middle of the room, and that was where Kanda had chosen to sit.

"Go ahead. Sit down," the raven ordered. Nodding, Lavi sat off to the side of the mat and stared at Kanda curiously. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing! Nothing, really. . .I just. . .never imagined that this is what your room would look like. It looks. . . so spacious," Lavi struggled for the right words, hoping to not make the other angry. By now, he had learned just how frightening Kanda could be when angered.

"Che, whatever. Look, you know why I brought you here, right?" Kanda asked impatiently. Lavi paused to think for a while before shaking his head in reply. "You're here for me to talk some sense into you before you really do start going crazy. You're really annoying, but at least you aren't really insane like those godforsaken twins."

"Are you actually trying to be nice? You can be nice, Yuu?" Lavi asked while chuckling to himself. It was really endearing, but just trying to picture the brutish swordsman being nice was too hilarious to ignore.

"Don't ruin this," Kanda barked back sharply. Huffing out a sigh, he took a deep breath before starting. "Why do you think I've been able to be here so long without losing my marbles like some people here?"

Lavi paused to think. Just why was that? Kanda had been a part of this place for more than five years, yet he seemed so at peace with the idea of being here. "Is it because you have someone like Tiedoll here who seems to really love you?"

Kanda's brow twitched at the mention of their group therapist, but instead of reacting, he just huffed out hotly. "Let's not talk about that man right now. I'm indebted to him, and I will admit he is a help, but that's not it. You're so goddamn focused on other people that you aren't even thinking about yourself. That's what your problem is. You haven't found your 'center' yet."

"My center?"

"Yes, your center. It's the core of who you are, the parts of you that make you you that you can't and won't ever change. Everything else is a cluttered mess, the parts that are holding you back," Kanda explained. Lavi just sat there, mystified by the other's words. At the dumbfounded expression on the redhead's face, Kanda curiously raised a brow at him. "You don't even know what you are, do you? I guess that's what you get for being so fake all of the time, but if you're that lost, then I can't help you."

"Hold on. What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have some self-evaluating to do, and I'm not gonna let you leave until you've figured something out," Kanda's voice mellowed out as he closed his eyes, appearing to be deep in thought. Lavi stared at him for a little while before starting to wonder what he should be doing. "Don't think too hard about what to do, and don't try to copy me. You're figuring out who you are after all."

"Right…" Lavi trailed off as he let out a sigh. What was there to figure out? Lavi knew exactly who he was. He. . .how could he not even know where to start? Everything he tried to think about never came to him. Instead, it was as if they weren't a part of him, but rather someone else.

So just what was it that made him Lavi?

What did he enjoy doing? What were his favorite foods or even his favorite color? What kind of TV shows or movies did he enjoy watching? Did he like playing sports? What about reading or playing video games? How on Earth did he pass the time at home after school?

It was then that Lavi realized that those answers became different depending on who he was talking to. If it were Daisya, then of course he loved volleyball and soccer, loved watching comedy shows and movies, disliked reading but loved video games and did a variety of things after school. However, if it were a teacher, then nearly everything would be different, and the same with a different set of friends Lavi had made.

Just who was the real Lavi?

That question stuck Lavi's core with cold, creeping fear that seeped through his veins and bones. Instinctively, he shivered, but that didn't remedy the odd sensation enveloping him. His hands and shoulders began to tremble and his breath quickened. His chest squeezed painfully, as if it had collapsed or someone had crushed it in their hands, making it hard to breathe. Lavi's eye widened as he found it increasingly difficult to calm down and control himself, his heart beating rapidly and painfully against his contracted chest.

"Shit, are you alright?" The words registered in Lavi's mind, yet he couldn't seem to do anything to respond. His mind stayed blank all except for that one question.

Who is the real me?

"Fuck, Lavi?! Get a hold of yourself!" The panic in Kanda's voice only seemed to worsen Lavi's pain, making it even harder to breathe. By this point, he was gasping for air, trying desperately to fill his lungs with something with very little results. "Dammit! Wait here! I'll be right back."

Before he knew it, Lavi was left all alone. The coldness crawling around him seemed to only get stronger and colder, freezing the tips of his fingers and toes. His vision darkened and blurred though he could still somewhat see. It wasn't until a pair of hands rested on his shoulder and back that Lavi had realized that someone had entered the room again.

A soft blanket was placed around him which ailed the cold. Lavi felt himself being pulled up and steadily walked away. As they walked, he tried to take deep, calming breaths and was rewarded when his chest stopped hurting as much. It wasn't until he was lying down that his vision returned to him, revealing that he was lying in the infirmary yet again. Kanda and Link stood by his bed, both wearing troubled expressions.

"Lavi? Are you alright? Are you breathing fine? You had a panic attack just now," Link started slowly, hoping not to trigger another one. Lavi let out a deep breath and closed his eye.

"Man. . .How lame. . .Sorry, Yuu. You even tried so hard to help me," Lavi chuckled bitterly at himself.

"You…" Kanda growled and roughly grabbed Lavi's shirt, pulling him upwards a bit. Link exclaimed and reached out to stop what could potentially become a fight, but the raven shouted back to him. "Don't touch me!" Kanda turned his attention back to Lavi and glared at him. "What the fuck is your problem, you bastard? You're apologizing and laughing at a time like this? Don't fuck around with me!"

Lavi stared in awe at Kanda as he saw both rage and fear in the other's coal black eyes. "Do you know how much you worried me just now? And you wanna laugh about it? You always do this! You either keep your mouth shut when it's obvious you have something you wanna say, or you lie and cover it up with that stupid fucking smile on your face! I'm sick of it! Just what is it that you're so scared about? If you don't get over it then you're going to be stuck here forever, or even worse! You could never show up anymore just like _him_, and then you surely aren't gonna change. Is that what you want?"

"Alright, Kanda. I think that's enough. I'll talk to him from here." All eyes in the room turned towards the doorway where Klaud Nyne stood looking rather unpleased. With a signature "Che", Kanda released Lavi and left the room. "Link, I think you should leave too."

"Understood." With a nod, the blond left the room, shooting Lavi one last dubious glance before closing the door behind him. The room was thrown into silence for a moment before Klaud started walking, her heels clicking again the tiled floor. She sat in the chair next to Lavi's bed and crossed her legs.

"How are you feeling? Panic attacks can be a very scary thing, especially if you've never had one before," she started, her eyes focusing only him. If they were in her office, Lavi would have felt subject to her gaze, feeling almost as if he were being scrutinized over everything, yet this time her gaze was different, warmer, more compassionate even.

"I'm fine. . .For some reason. . .I don't think that was the first one I've ever had," Lavi said truthfully, perhaps the first truth he revealed about himself to her.

"Well that's good." Klaud paused to lean back in the chair. Lavi could tell she was taking this moment of silence to think about how to start next.

"Lavi, do you know why I never pressure you to talk during our sessions? Why I nor anyone here really pressures anyone into talking before they're ready?" The question through Lavi for a loop. Why ask something like that now? To answer simply, he shook his head, and Klaud took that as her clue to continue on.

"Because forcing things to happen prematurely does nothing. It doesn't make our patients any happier any faster, and could have the opposite result actually. I had thought that eventually you would warm up to me and share things on your own. Maybe when you finally understood more about yourself and why you're here. I may be a therapist, but I can't help someone who doesn't want the help to change. Though I'm glad Kanda got the ball rolling with you, it was really dangerous. Whatever it was that he said to you, I want you to think about that for a while before coming to see me again. We'll take a break from meeting for now, and we can meet again starting next week. Does that sound okay?"

Lavi sat in silence for a moment, absorbing everything he was told. Would the really be okay? "Um. . .Miss, Nyne? If it's okay with you. . .can we keep meeting this week? I. . .I don't think I'm ready to talk about my condition that's brought me here yet, but I want to find out more about myself. I realize now that I really don't know anything, and I want to learn."

Klaud Nyne smiled after hearing that, her eyes crinkling in the slightest. That gesture seemed to fill Lavi with a sort of comforting warmth that he hadn't really felt in a long time.

"Of course, Lavi. We can do that if that's what you want. I'll take my leave now then to let you get some rest and to start thinking. Once we move forward, I won't be hitting the breaks for a long time after all," she said standing from her seat. Giving one last smile, she left the room, leaving Lavi to lie by himself.

Though all was said and done, there was one person he had to see, to talk to about all of this. There were many people he had to apologize to, but only one person had his first priority. His feet carried him there almost instinctively by that point, each step making his heart feel lighter and lighter. Once Lavi reached his destination, he ran a hand over the smooth wooden surface, hoping once again to be able to see through the small blacked out window.

"Allen? I know you said you didn't want me to come by here for a while, so I'll make this quick, alright? Today, I broke a rule, and though I wasn't doing well, that's no excuse. I don't know what it is that's holding me back, but I'm going to try my hardest to fix it. I hope to find myself in the process, and I hope to be of some hope to you. I'm sorry if you took everything I said about myself seriously, since not even I know who exactly I am. . .But that's my problem, not yours. I'll solve it and come back to you, I promise. . .See you later I guess." Lavi turned to start walking away.

"So that's it?"

The voice startled him. Lavi wasn't really expecting a reply, and this one had been the most forceful he's heard yet from the boy inside.

"If you're a little lost. . .I can help. The Lavi I know is a kind person, really strong and forgiving, and really patient too. I'm sure that if it's you, you can figure this out really quickly, so try your hardest," Allen's voice cracked a little, but Lavi could tell just how honest he was being in that moment. Allen was really trying his hardest to comfort him, and though he couldn't be held or hold Allen, or even see what kind of expression the boy was making, those words alone had comforted Lavi and gave him the extra bit of confidence he needed to continue on.

"Allen…" Lavi tightly shut his eye to prevent himself from crying and leaned against the door. Pressing his palm against the smooth surface, he felt—or at the very least hoped—Allen's warmth emanating from the other side as if they were both reaching out together. "I don't know if that's true, but we'll see. Only time and effort will give us the answer we're looking for."

"Then, go make history and I'll be here to hear it when it's done."

A wry smile fell upon the redhead's face, and a green eye opened, shining with a determination and passion never expressed before. "Now that, I can do. History is my strong point after all. I'll see you after I've made some progress, so I'll see you later, Allen."

"Talk to you later, Lavi." Gingerly, the redhead pressed his forehead against the smooth cold surface of the door before confidently striding down the hallway. He entered the brightly colored cafeteria, ordered food, and sat down at a table happily with his meal without any hesitation. Smiling, Lavi started eating his food, not looking twice at the curious stares he was getting.

"Lavi? Are you. . .Did something good happen?" Lenalee was the first to speak up. This brought Lavi's attention away from his food, a noodle hanging out of his mouth though he quickly slurped it up. He smiled as he chewed and held up a finger to silently ask her to wait until he swallowed.

"Yeah, starting tomorrow, I get to research my favorite subject, history," he answered in a sing-song voice.

"Oh? What kind of history are you going to be researching?" Lenalee asked. At the question posed, Lavi's smile widened which caught Kanda's eye. A dark brow on the raven's face also quirked in curiosity, wondering just what could be so great to have completely changed Lavi's mood from a couple hours ago.

"My history."

* * *

><p><strong>So sorry for disappearing on you guys for... more than two years? I promise you this story never left me, as you can see, but time definitely got away from me. I'm now in college, so hopefully the writing in this chapter should be a bit better? I still won't have as much free time, but I have more planned out for this now than the last time I stopped, plus I'm really excited for the next chapter, so I definitely won't stop here. I just wanna say though, thanks for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites I got over the past two years for this. It's really touching, and really that's what made me come back to this, so thank you guys. I hope you guys enjoy the next chapter~! It's another special chapter, so any ideas on who it's gonna be about?<strong>


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